Self Worth

Do you ever feel like you could possibly be the worst person in the world? Obviously I know there are worse people than myself out there. I haven't killed anyone, stolen anything, committed any kind of heinous crime, but sometimes my sarcasm can go a bit too far and I'm not the nice person I want to be.
Take last night for example. I was hanging out with my friend and a friend of that friend. Let's call them Candice and Aaron. I don't know Aaron very well. Candice wanted me along to make her feel more comfortable so I went. I was kind of the third wheel the whole night and actually found it very entertaining. I felt a tiny bit bad for Aaron, since he was suppose to be on a date with Candice and I was the apparently oblivious friend who was tagging along.
At dinner I threw out a couple of my sarcastic remarks and he took them quite well. Later he said something about how girls can be really mean. I then felt bad and apologized for my comments. He told us that our comments were funny, but that some girls are really mean. I said "oh they're funny? That must be why David is still my friend."
David is a guy I met here in Provo, who now lives in Virginia. I'm not sure why, but our personalities seem to clash quite a bit and he brings out or really, I let out, my utmost sarcastic and biting side. Not something I'm very proud of. I was feeling a bit bad so I sent David a text saying sorry for always being so mean. Do you know what that boy did? He called me (granted he was driving so really it was the responsible thing to do if he was going to respond). I explained the situation and why I had been thinking about him and he told me some REALLY nice things! It made me feel better and worse (mostly better). How is it I can be so mean and yet he still sees the good side of me, recognizes my insecurities and continues to be my friend and build me up? I'm sure I don't deserve it. He's not the only one either! I could make a pretty good list of my friends who stick with me no matter what and think I'm the greatest. What's wrong with you people?! For all the praise you give me, really it's all of you who are the greatest, best friends I could ever ask for. Thanks for building me up and not giving up on this work in progress. One of these days I'll figure it out and I'll have you to thank for it.
My favorite scripture just popped into my head. D&C 121:7-9
"My son (or daughter), peace be unto they soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; though shalt triumph over all they fores. THY FRIENDS DO STAND BY THEE, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands."
To all my friends, thanks for standing by me, for picking me up and cheering me on, and for always being there no matter what. You're the greatest.
Love you!

Skydiving!!!

Anyone up for jumping out of a "perfectly good airplane"? How many times did I hear that recently as I shouted to the world that I would be going skydiving. I've wanted to go for a while. It's on my bucket list and well I'm single and I have a job so WHY THE HECK NOT? So I planned it. And it was AWESOME!





I was a bit bummed I didn't get to go with my family since we had to be split into two groups, but it was fun none the less and I recommend it to everyone!

Pioneers!

This post actually has nothing to do with Pioneers other than the fact that it all happened Pioneer Day weekend.
Friday night I was going to go to Lagoon with my cousin but we decided it wasn't worth the drive to only get to go on rides for a couple hours. Lucky for me. Instead I went to a pool party my friend invited me to. Her dentist was putting it on and she didn't want to go alone, so she invited me. There was free food and of course free swimming and they also had a raffle. Laura and I put our names in and then went about playing for the night. We stood around freezing while they pulled names for raffle winners. They were on the second to last prize when whose name should they call but CATHY! Woohoo! $300 gift card to a resort in Midway Utah. Take a look here.
Saturday morning I got up and went running and then slept for a couple hours. Then I headed out to run some errands. I met up with Aubrey and we went and had dinner with her friend in Sandy. After food we were off to Alpine Utah to experience the natural water slide. The water was FREEZING. Obviously it was coming from pretty close to the source. We watched some people go down and it looked like it could hurt. It looked like they were bouncing down the rocks. We finally got up the courage to go down. Sarah was at the bottom ready to take a picture. We got to the bottom, completely shocked from the dunk in the ice pool only to discover that she didn't get the picture. Back to the top we went. Down the frigid waters, only to find yet again. No picture. Aubrey was done at this point but I really wanted a picture, even if I was already bruised and frozen, so I headed back up with Aubrey on camera duty this time. Sadly she missed too, and I landed on a dog. That's right, there was a dog. I decided it would just be easier to go stand at the bottom of the falls and pretend I was going down. It was fun, but I was pretty beat up and cold by the end.



Sunday was pretty normal. Pioneer talks in church, a short nap, and a potluck dinner.
Monday I got up and headed to Spanish Fork with Aubrey to watch the parade. After the parade we ate lunch with her sister Kristine and her kids. They are so cute. Jayden couldn't remember my name to save his life but always wanted Aubrey's friend to help, or he wanted to share with Aubrey's friend. It was so fun. After lunch we went to Spanish Fork Reservoir. I put on sunscreen, but my back didn't seem to care as I now have a very crispy back, but nowhere else is burnt. We were going to watch the fireworks, but it started to rain so we stayed home and watched a movie instead. All in all it was a great weekend and I can hardly wait for SKYDIVING!!!

Thank you Mr. Gardener

I've been thinking a lot about how things work out in life. I know God knows all, has a plan for each of us, and is in control, but sometimes I just can't seem to follow. I know I'm not suppose to, but if I could just find a little pattern and be able to follow it, I might do a better job on my journey through life. Yeah, probably not, but it was a nice thought.
Today, besides being Pioneer Day, is the one year anniversary of my friends Denae and David. I actually wrote about them in my second ever post entitled Miracles. I introduced them and the rest is a long sappy "Love" story. When they first got engaged there was a facebook battle of who got what percent of the credit. I of course wanted to take 100%, but gradually gave percentages away as people made their arguments. I started thinking about it and in the end it was easier just to give God all the credit. I looked at all the people who really did play a part in it, how they had lived their lives, choices they had made, and it was just ridiculous to me how that one thing of them meeting and falling in love, could be so complicated. Just looking at my life decisions and how it connected me to the two of them was complicated enough.

I think so many times in life, it's just so hard for me to accept something, when I can't see the reason why. I know God is doing what's best for me, but I guess my faith hasn't quite reached the point where I can just take it and go and not ask why. Today in Relief Society this was brought up again to me with the story of President Hugh B. Brown and the currant bush. The currant bush is over grown and not producing any fruit, so President Brown pruned it back. He saw a drop like a tear on the top of each stump, as if the currant bush were crying, and thought he heard it say:
"How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. . . . And now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me . . . How could you do this to me? I though you were the gardener here."
President Brown replied, "Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn't intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and someday, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, 'Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.'" For the rest of the talk click here.
How many times have I been the currant bush. Thinking I know everything and asking why the Lord would cut me down, when in reality He knows so much better than I do. He is preparing great things for me in my life and in the lives of others.
The words random and coincidence often come out of our mouths, and maybe somethings are random or just a coincidence and nothing will ever come of them, but maybe God is preparing a masterpiece we can't even imagine.
So for today I say "Thank you Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.

20 pounds of brown sugar

Sometimes I just can’t seem to say what I want. There are a multitude of reasons, but I think the most is fear of being embarrassed. Maybe I’ll offend someone. Maybe it will take the things where I don’t want them to go. Maybe I’ll just feel so dumb that I’ll want to crawl in a hole and never show my face ever again. I suppose that goes under embarrassment.
It’s really an awful thing. I dance around what I really want to say and sometimes I end up with something I never wanted in the first place. One of these days I’ll learn to just say what I want right off the bat and just take the consequences. Life is too complicated. Or maybe it’s not and I just make it that way. One of these days I’ll learn. But for now, some books will just be left on the shelf.

No title

Here's an update on my not so exciting life. Last weekend I went home. Dad was running another Triathlon in Ririe. He did awesome! Looked much better than the Murtaugh. Once he gets that swim down he's gonna be amazing. After the Tri I went to the temple. I love the Rexburg temple.

The weather didn't look like this at all. I just liked the picture.
After the temple I went with my sister to the movies. We saw Green Lantern in 3D. This was my first 3D experience and I was actually impressed. Except for the stupid glasses that kept falling off.
Sunday was rushing to church, missing sacrament, going to some random sacrament and then I skipped out on the other meetings to go visit my friend Lucy (stop judging). It was so good to see Lucy. The last time I saw her she was still pregnant and now she has this two month old beautiful baby, who was all smiles, and just the cutest thing.
Then it was off to the Tolman's to pick up my friend Katie's kids. Katie's parents were watching her kids so she and her husband could have a weekend together. Since I was already in Rexburg it made sense for me to just bring them back instead of people driving there and back to pick-up/drop-off kids. It was my first experience driving with children by myself. All in all I think the trip was a success. We had a small meltdown, cracker crumbs all over my backseat, NO bathroom accidents from the just potty trained child, and it only required one movie and some disney songs to make it home.
Tuesday I went to Lagoon with my sister and 2 cousins. It's the 125th anniversary of Lagoon so they had a Cirque show there to celebrate. It was AMAZING!

Probably one of the most exciting things for me this week is finishing my statistics class yesterday! I'm so thrilled to be done with it!

Freedom

Well the 4th was good. Fairly uneventful for me. I spent the night at Katie's Sunday night since my family was staying there. Not my greatest plan since I forgot to bring my earplugs and dad snores really loud. We were up early (not as early as planned though) and off to the races.
Of course I was last out of the Schultz clan, but I was already planning on that. One day I won't be so far behind, or as my grandmas says "way back there". It was fun to have 6 Schultz's running in the race. Connor got 2nd in his age group.



Afterward we all got cleaned up and then went to IHOP for breakfast. It was delicious and fun to be with the family. Then I went home and slept for 4 hours. It was awesome. The rest of my day followed the uneventful route. I did some homework, went to the street fair by myself. Watched my friends band play and then walked home in the rain. Did a little more homework, watched a little TV and then went to bed. I could see some awesome fireworks through my window as I lay in my bed. It was a good day.

What a week.

Sunday again. Since last week I have, moved, been booted, ran 13 miles, been to two parties, hiked, sat in the hot springs, sewed a skirt, made burp clothes, gone swimming, watched fireworks and not gotten near enough sleep.
Monday was probably my calmest day. I finished packing up my room to move from the Crowe's and did some homework. Pretty dull. Tuesday I was moving my stuff to my new apartment. I got here and the two parking spots right by our back door were taken by my two roommates, so I parked right behind them to save myself making, 12 trips to and from my car in the 85 degree heat. BAD PLAN. The University Parking Nazi's were out. I was gone from my car for 3 MINUTES. I come outside and there is a boot on my car. For those who don't know what that means, no there was not an actual shoe on my car. It looks similar to this.

He had barely put it on. Being the nice man he is he called the Tow Truck to tell him not to come since I had come out. But being the JERK FACE that he is he still made me pay the $50 to take the boot off. "If I hadn't already put it on I wouldn't charge you, but once it's on, I can't take it off til you pay". Can't take it off my eye! It's not connected to the credit card machine. There is no lock that only takes cash! You're just a mean man who wants my money. I showed him all the stuff in my car I was unpacking. No go. He told me to turn on my hazard lights and he'd leave me alone a few minutes to unpack my car. What a gentleman. Pay me $50 and I'll leave you alone for a few minutes. Well apparently I was an $85 speeding ticket isn't as upsetting to me as a $50 boot, because even though I tried really hard not to, I started to cry. I made it through paying the dumb man, but then I started to cry. Really hard. Like a little child, that cries so hard they get those kind of hiccup things. It was awful. And no matter how much I told myself it wasn't a big deal and that I was fine, I continued crying. I'm pretty sure I cried for like 3 hours. I decided to postpone my homework until the following day and went over to Katie's house instead. She listened to me tell my poor sad story and then just chatted with me. I finally stopped crying and went home feeling better. The next day I finished moving all of my stuff. I parked in the EXACT same spot, but made sure to not ever leave my car.
So Wednesday night was homework night, trying to get everything all done so I could just play this weekend. Thursday I was doing more homework and was going to go to a baby shower, but neither of those worked out so I went with my friend Aubrey out to Spanish Fork to go to some hot springs. They didn't inform me that it was a good 3 mile hike. I wore flip-flops. Not the best hiking shoe, but whatever I made it. We sat in the little pools for an hour or so, watched the stars come out, and then headed back down the trail. It was a fun night, except that I was very stinky. Luckily the sulfur smell came off with only one shower.
Friday I went to work, but John sent me home to start my holiday weekend early at 1. So I went and picked up our packets for the Freedom Run, went to the temple and then went with Aubrey to Spanish Fork Reservoir. It was so cold! Especially compared to the hot springs from the night before. After swimming we came back to get ready for the party Aubrey was having that night. We went to a free concert on the roof of a parking garage in Provo. It was really fun. Then we walked around the street fair and then headed back for some pizza. It was such a great night.

Saturday morning I got up early to go run. OH right, I ran Monday (awful run), and Thursday morning. Saturday morning I ran 6.4 miles. I was scoping out the route for the Freedom Run. I think I'll survive. After my run, I started sewing. My friend Camille asked me to finish a jean skirt she was making for her daughter. It turned out so cute. After that I made a potato salad. The first of my life. I think it turned out okay. Then I was off to a barbeque Aubrey's friend was having. It was so fun, lots of people and food. We had people convinced that the the beef Teriyaki kabobs were really rattlesnake. A rattle snake we killed on our hike to the hot springs. It was hilarious. We really did see a dead rattlesnake on the trail. :/ After the barbeque we were feeling quite lazy and watched the rest of Tangled and just lazed around. Then we headed over to watch the fireworks. We ended up in a little neighborhood and had a great view but the traffic getting out was ridiculous and we chose to park and walk down to the creamery for some ice cream and then walked back to get the car after the traffic and thinned out. It was a great night and hopefully the rest of this holiday weekend is just as fabulous.