I should be sleeping

It's Wednesday night. 11:45. I've been tired since 7. Work is kicking my butt. I feel like I've been hit by a truck, but I've been laying here not being able to go to sleep and I took some NyQuil so maybe that will kick in soon and knock me out. In the meantime I thought I'd jot down some thoughts I had while I was laying here, not sleeping.
Sometimes I think I'm afraid of relationships because I don't feel like I have a lot to offer. It's always in a worldly way though. When I think about supporting a husband while he finishes school, I think "How would I do that?" Sure I have a degree, but it's not something I want to do anything with. Then I think of conversations I would have with this potential suitor and what I would say about working and why I don't want to do anything with my degree and why I studied what I did and blah blah blah. These are the thoughts I came up with in this imaginary conversation.
"Why did you study broadcasting?"
"To tell you the truth, it was because I didn't know what else to study. I liked working with the cameras when I would go to work with my dad and thought it would be fun. I enjoyed my job working with video productions, but never really loved broadcasting. It's such a competitive field, both broadcasting and video production and I just didn't have the passion I would need for it."
"So what are you passionate about?"
"Well there is one thing I can think of. When I was a kid and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I'd say, 'A nurse or a mom' or 'A teacher or a mom'. 'An air traffic controller or a mom'. The first one changed frequently, but the second one never did. That is what I am passionate about. I want to be a mom. I want to have a family of my own and teach them the gospel and how to love people and encourage them to make a difference in the world. I think the only thing I might be more passionate about is watching my husband be a dad."

And then I don't know what he would say or what I would say, but it's a good passion. I had someone tell me I should have a backup plan, and maybe they're right, but it's still the best plan even if it doesn't happen in this life.

Life is really good. God really REALLY loves me. I have seen that over and over and over again. He has a plan for me and things will work out the best way possible. I may never get to live out my passion in this life, but that doesn't mean I have to give up hope. There are never wasted experiences in life. God knows what he's doing and I'm going to trust in that.

I may not have things totally figured out, but I know what I ultimately want and I'm not going to compromise. I may have to do other things in the meantime, but I'm going to enjoy the journey, learn from the pain, and be the best Cathy I can.

And sometimes the power gets shut off

Here it is February and my blog has definitely taken a backseat in my life. I work at least 9 hour days with no lunch break and come home to either veg out because I'm so tired or run to the 15 things I've got going on.
My job has added new stress to my life that I've never known before. It actually gives me nightmares. The lady that I work with is now on maternity leave for 2 months and I've been training to take over her responsibilities while training another girl to take over mine. I don't know if I'm the world's worst trainer or if she's just the slowest learner, but it's taken a long time and we've still got a ways to go. Wednesday was the first day with Becky gone and it went okay, but not great. Thursday though, man Thursday made Wednesday look like a piece of cake. Today was inventory so we were trying to get everything in the computer. I'm working away only to get a phone call from my roommate telling me the power had been shut off. Two of my roommates are moving and we had to switch the utilities from their names to mine and I tried to call, but I had been given the wrong number and I thought it went until today, but alas, no. Shut off. So I am forced to take a break from work to call to get our power turned back on. Lots of dinero and tears later, power is back on, BUT me, being the crier I am, continued crying for the rest of the day. The stress of the day had been tipped by the power being shut off. WORST. DAY. EVER.
I text my old home teacher and asked if he'd come give me a blessing, he said sure.  I then worked until 6:20 trying to get everything in the computer and would have stayed later, but I had a dinner date with my cousin for my birthday. Dinner was lovely and then we headed back to my house to pick up her dresses she had been storing at my house. I walk into the house and what happens, but the lights pop on and people jump out yelling "SURPRISE!!" And what a surprise it was. It was great to have everyone come over to surprise me and celebrate my birthday.
Old home teacher stayed the entire time so he could give me a blessing after everyone left. It was really great. God really does know me. He knows each of us and is blessing us so much more than we recognize.
Sometimes the power gets shut off, but maybe that's just so God can show you the bright spirits of His children that He has placed in your life.
To all those people who shine so brightly in my life, thank you. I love you. You are one of my greatest blessings.