My voice with the people

I have sat quietly this week, reading posts on both sides of the issue. I've been battling internally on where I stand and what I think. (this got real long, real fast. I didn't know I had so much to say.)
I'm reading the Come Follow Me lesson for this week and it says "There are likely many important issues facing your community. How can you, like the Nephites, make sure that your voice is included in 'the voice of the people?'"
Our world is a beautiful place. But it is also filled with ugliness. It is filled with privilege and poverty. The issue with racism is a complicated one. We have all been raised with bias. Sometimes we don't even recognize it. Sometimes we excuse it "it was a different time" "that's how I was raised" "it was just a joke".
Am I okay telling that to God?
The media for sure does not give a balanced report of things. I'm sure somewhere there was a black cop who killed a white guy and it didn't make the news. That is not the point. The point is there is a problem. And like it or not we are part of the problem and we need to be part of the solution. Is the media blowing things up? Maybe. But there is still a problem. Is rioting okay? No. Vandalism? No. But is it okay that people keep dying? An even bigger no. It doesn't matter who is dying. It's not okay. Black lives matter. They matter because all lives matter. Saying black lives matter doesn't take away from the value of anyone else.
I've thought before, they (who ever they may be) can get themselves out of their problems. They can work hard and find a job and get an education. This is true. They can. But I didn't consider a lot of things. I didn't understand privilege. Those things are harder to access. It's going to be much harder for them. I was born into privilege and those things were much easier for me to access. I lived in a two parent home, went to a safe public school, lived in a safe tiny town, never had to have a job to help my parents make the rent or put food on the table, etc.
They didn't choose to be born into the situation they were born. It's perpetuated through generations. Just like I have a mindset of work hard and make it because that's how I was raised, they might have a mindset of this is who I am and what I have and that's all there is. Because that's how they were raised. Good? Bad? Doesn't matter. Again it's a complicated problem and therefore complicated to solve.
We all have things that make life hard. But some people have a lot more things working against them. Should that be an excuse for them? No. But should that be an excuse for me or anyone else to turn a blind eye?
How do we break the cycle? How to we enact change?
My opinion, for what it's worth, is that we start at home. I think this is the solution for most of the problems in the world. Start at home. Teach your children morals and values. Teach your children that all lives matter. Don't let racial jokes and slurs pollute the air in your home. If your marriage is rocky, work on it. If you have a bad temper, work on it. If you are stressed out of your mind, find something to help still your mind and body. We have to ACT. We have to teach our children to ACT. We have to teach them to stand up and speak out. Be involved in your community. What are you doing to make it a better place? Teach them about how lucky they are to have been born into privilege. Ultimately we are all responsible for our actions, no matter the circumstances we were born into. But we ARE our brothers keeper. We DO have a responsibility to make sure our neighbors feel safe and ARE safe.
My "voice with the people" is that I want to be an active part of the solution instead of a silent part of the problem.

35 life lessons

Today is my 35th birthday. I've been on this earth learning and growing for 35 years. It's so weird to think about. I look at my baby and wonder what he will be doing and what he will be like in 35 years. What will he have learned and what will he be able to do.
So here are some lessons I've learned on my journey in life so far.

1-Life will never go how you think it should
2-That↑is usually a blessing
3-You can only control yourself
4-Your choices have consequences
5-It's worth the time to consider those consequences before you act
6-Kindness doesn't cost a thing
7-It's not always easy to be kind
8-It doesn't matter what other people think of you
9-It's hard to not think about what other people think of you
10-You can't please everyone
11-It's hard to be selfless
12-People can be very thoughtless and mean
13-Sometimes you are one of those ↑ people, be forgiving
14-God will always see you through whatever you are facing
15-It can be difficult to remember that God is with you and you'll make it through
16-Caring for people takes a lot of energy and is not always rewarded
17-You should care anyway
18-You have value no matter what you've done
19-Everyone else also has value not matter what they've done
20-Not everyone will love you
21-You don't have to love everyone
22-Rainy days come to everyone
23-Sunny days follow. When sun follows rain, there is usually a rainbow
24-Sticking to your goals is hard
25-Sticking to your goals will make you a better, stronger person
26-God's plan is always better than your plan
27-Sometimes you have to lower your expectations
28-Don't let your pride come between you and someone you love
29-Don't be afraid to apologize
30-Don't give up on people, persistence pays off
31-God and family are the most important people, if something is pulling you from either, fix it
32-If you don't like where you are, move. You are not a tree. This might be physical, mental, spiritual
33-Your body is amazing. Take care of it.
34-Running, music, naps, nature and crying are healing
35-No love is ever wasted

You knew what you were getting into

Anyone who has ever heard "you knew what you were getting into" can probably attest that in most cases, that is not even close to being true. I think it's safe to say that no one ever truly knows what they are getting into. They might have a pretty good idea, but there are just so many variables in life that we can't ever really know how things are going to go.
I have felt that way getting married and becoming a stepmom. When it's hard and I feel like I'm drowning, most people in my life don't understand. No one has actually said those words, but what they have said has implied that that is indeed what they are thinking. "Why are you having such a hard time, it's not like you didn't know it was going to be this way?" "But that's pretty typical right?"
I'm sure I'm reading into things more than they are actually present. I think a lot of people are good about giving me grace. Realizing that I will figure it out and what I'm saying may have not been well thought out. I appreciate those people. I am figuring it out. Where my sisters in law have had 13+ years to ease into dealing with teenagers, I was thrown into the arena. While they have a mothers love for their children and love them in spite of their awfulness, I have kids who are someone else's' kids and while I love them, it is not a mothers love. Kuddos to the stepmom who truly is able to love a stepchild with a mothers' love. You are lucky.
No one prepared me for that. I had no idea it would be this way.
My friend who has 4 girls and is dealing with a very emotional house of hormones, with one being especially troublesome, would surely not agree with anyone who said, you knew what you were getting into when you decided to have kids.
You don't know if your third kid is going to have a disability. You don't know if your 2nd child is going to have a traumatic brain injury, or get cancer, or have some degree of mental illness. You don't know those things when you decide to have a family. You literally have no idea what you are getting into. And you wouldn't think of saying that to someone. At least I hope you wouldn't. So why do we say that to step-parents? We have no way of knowing that in a year the ex-wife is going to decide to move thousands of miles away. We have no way of knowing when the ex is going to let her crazy shine bright. We have no way of knowing that the teenager is going to end up hating us, just because. Just like a traditional family, there are so many things that could happen, so many things that can change in an instant. Why do we expect them to have a better handle on it, just because they knew there were kids involved to begin with?
I truly appreciate those people who don't pretend to understand, but who listen. Who sympathize. Who try to imagine what it might be like. I'd say the best example is my mom. I have only felt supported and loved by her. She is always, ALWAYS on my side. Even when I know I'm being ridiculous. She validates my feelings. She shares her experiences that might be applicable. She encourages me to keep trying, to look at it in the big picture, to think about other points of view.
So I say to you, it's okay you didn't know what you were getting into. Most people, in most situations, don't have a clue what's coming. They don't know how hard it will be. They don't know how they will react. We are all just doing the best we can, with what we've been given.