Walking in Faith

Sometimes you have to make hard decisions and hope for the best. Often times you question whether or not you made the right decision. It's not often you get the confirmation that you did actually make the right choice. Sure things might have turned out differently if you had made a different choice, but in general people are who they are. You hope good things for them, that they'll make good choices, but you only have control over yourself and you have to do what's best for  you. What will take you closer to God and make you the happiest.
People will disappoint time after time, but God won't. Sometimes it seems like he does, but in the end he won't disappoint you. You have to trust in his plan for you and keep moving forward. Recognize that disappointments won't last forever because he always has something better in store for you.

2017 in review

I only marked a few off this year. I added one to the list. I feel like I added more than that, but I didn't write them down. 2017 was a good year for my personal growth and development.  A new career being at the top of the list.

- Go on a cruise '11 '13
- Go skydiving '11 '12
- Learn Italian
- Visit Italy '13
- Learn to play the guitar
- Go to the festival of colors '11
- Run a 1/2 marathon '11 and a lot more
- Ride in a hot air balloon/ go to the hot air balloon festival in New Mexico
- Shoot a gun '12 and few more times
- Write a children's book
- See Josh Groban in concert '11
- See Wicked '12
- Go to all the temples in Utah '16
- See a firefly
-Visit Iceland
- Get married
- Watch a meteor shower '13
- Hike the Y '12
- Be in a flash mob
- Visit Prince Edward Island
- Swim with dolphins '15
- Visit all 50 of the United States
- Be the voice of an animated character
- Be complaint free for 30 days
- Ride a tandem bike
- Run a Marathon '12
- Run a Ragnar'13
- Go to a Brad Paisley concert '13
-Visit Cambodia
- Visit Europe. A lot of it.
- Go on a spur of the moment trip. on a plane. to somewhere random.
- Be a volunteer at a telethon'13
- Do a triathlon
- Get a Master's degree '17
- Visit all the National Parks- Crater Lake and Redwoods '17
- Visit Croatia

Tis the season

With the year coming to a close it's a time a reflection and reevaluation. I'm 4 months into my first year of teaching. I'm still working diligently on having more patience. I am finding what works with certain students and what doesn't. I'm constantly trying to figure out how to be more effective. I am officially on winter break and I have a cold to prove that I haven't been getting enough sleep the last week or two.
As I look back at this year I see so much growth and so many things to be grateful for. I finished my degree, got a teaching job and started teaching. I moved to a new place, went to a new ward, got a new calling. My car died and I've been incredibly humbled to be driving the purple people eater. I became an aunt and it's my very favorite. I didn't date anyone this year. And I've learned even more how important it is to love yourself and be okay with where you are and work on what you are in control of.
I have had so much love and support as I have struggled through difficult things and succeeded in other places. So many people have been willing to reach out and help me, whether that was with their words or their very tangible acts of service. 10 years ago as I prepared to leave on a mission, I never would have looked forward and seen myself where I am now. That's how God works. I am grateful for the lessons I've learned in the last 10 years. Especially about myself and what I am capable of.
I am looking forward to 2018 and all the opportunities it will bring. I'm still working on tweaking a few "New Years Resolutions" but I know it will be a successful year. When God is on your side, it's always a success.

Just like that

On the mission I would always tell myself I could do anything for 6 weeks. Transfers are 6 weeks long and I think they do that to save our sanity. Even when I didn't get transferred and was stuck in the same area with the same companion, there was that speck of hope, and knowledge that I could do anything for 6 weeks. There might be another 6 weeks of the same thing right after, but that didn't matter. Although I don't have transfers now, I am using that 6 week mark to keep myself sane. I can make it 6 weeks. Anything for 6 weeks. I just made it through my first "transfer" as a first year teacher. 6 weeks in and everyone is still alive! Just like the mission, there are a few people I wish could get transferred and some days are much better than others, but I'm learning a lot about myself and growing everyday. I'm studying Christlike attributes (read attribute, aka patience) and working hard to figure out what is going to work for each of my little "investigators".
Like learning a new language, teaching takes time and really immersion is the best way to learn. It doesn't always sound (look) exactly right, but if I don't try, it won't get any better. These kids need what I have to offer.
Despite being tired mentally, physically and emotionally, I feel fulfilled and I feel like I am making a difference for at least a few of these students. I'll get better, I'll still have bad days, but before I know it I'll be looking back asking myself if that really happened. Missing the people I met and loved and hoping the very best for them as they move on with their lives.
My life is the same thing over and over. It's disguised, but basically it's the same. Different people, different locations, but the same lessons just applied in a different way which I guess makes them new lessons. Life really is good. The hard times make you realize how you have grown and how you are growing. You can see how God is preparing you or was preparing you. God is good.

Highlights of a first year teacher Part 1

School is well under way and I am quickly learning that, like the mission, no matter how much people tell you it will be hard, you don't really understand until you are there. I hear having a child is the same way. You think you are prepared, you know it will be hard, you can do hard things, and then you're in the middle of it and you think "WHY THE HECK IS THIS SO HARD!?"
Last week the art teacher asked me to come and see her on my lunch break. I felt like I was being summoned to the principal's office. I thought to myself "what could they have done, they were only there for 15 minutes?! (there was a fire drill). I went in expecting the very worst report of my little gems and their behavior but I was surprised when she asked me how I was doing. :) She is new to the school so we were in training meetings together, but she is not new to teaching. She told me "you have a hard class". I felt SO validated. I thought maybe I was just the worst teacher there ever was and that's why they were so ridiculous.
Yesterday the P.E. teacher came in and asked me how I was doing and told me "you have a hard class". Validation again! With that validation still comes trepidation about what I'm going to do to reign this crazy class in. They are making progress, but it's slow and hard to see. BUT there have been some successes.
My little autistic boy likes to not do whatever we are doing. Our school follows love and logic for classroom management and I find it hard sometimes to give choices where I still get them to do what needs to be done. I went and talked to his first grade teacher and she told me to use recess for his choices. He can do whatever we are doing with us, or he can stay in at recess and do it with me then. It's been very successful. He also gets a sticker every time he participates with the class and when he gets 10 he gets a prize.
I have an emotional little guy who loves to hang on me. I'll be at the front of the class and he'll come up and hug me and just hang on. I hug him back and try to send him back to his seat but it only works sometimes. Most times he crawls under his desk or wanders around the room. His emotions also lead to outbursts of him shouting that no one cares about him and that he wants to die. After one particularly bad day this week, I went and talked to the school counselor and she came the next day to observe my class. She gave me some suggestions and I moved their desks after school. Friday was a ROUGH day. My kids were unruly and this particular child hadn't been in his desk longer than 5 minutes. After asking 12 or more times for him to sit in his chair and being at the breaking point for my patience, God took pity on me and sent some inspiration. I set a timer for 10 minutes and put it on his desk. I told him if he would stay in his seat for 10 minutes I'd give him a sticker for his sticker sheet. As soon as it went off, I gave him the sticker and reset the timer for another round. He sat and participated for 45 minutes! He finished filling his sticker sheet and had his prize on his desk when he came back from lunch! As terrible as the morning was, that one success made my whole day!! Hopefully it continues working. I went and bought 4 more timers yesterday and I'm going to try it with a couple other students, one who shouts out ALL.THE.TIME and two others who won't stay on task to save their lives. Even if it doesn't work, at least I've got two kids working in the right direction and hopefully that helps our class as a whole. They are 3 points away from a movie party so I'm hoping they make it this week so we can have some positive reinforcement for their good behavior.

All by myself

I should be writing about the adventures of 2nd grade, but that's not what this is about. Yesterday I had a rough day and I put it out there that it was school that made it so terrible, and surely school has contributed. I'm tired and my kids are crazy and they frustrate me to no end, but the thing that set me off yesterday was loneliness. Maybe even rejection. When you come home from a long day of 25 seven year-olds talking non-stop and trying to figure out what the crap you're supposed to be teaching them and how on earth you will fit everything in when they have 7 specials a week and an hour of "Fun Friday" every Friday which is a short day anyway, and they won't stay quiet for more than a minute and a half, and they don't listen to ANYTHING you say, all I really want is someone to be excited to see me. Someone to ask how my day was and to really care. Someone to give me a hug and tell me I'm doing okay. Instead I come home to an empty house, warm up my leftovers, watch Netflix and eat Oreos.
I went on two dates in the last two weeks. The first one seemed very successful, we got ice cream and chatted for an hour and a half. At the end he asked if I'd like to go out again and planned something tentatively for the weekend. He even text me the next two days to see how my day was going. Then nothing. I still haven't heard from him and we obviously didn't go out again. Rejection #1. The next one occurred earlier this week. Similar story, we got ice cream and talked for 2 hours. He said something like let's do this again and now I haven't heard from him. Rejection #2.
 While I realize that this is very normal, as I've experienced it many, MANY times before, this week I just couldn't take it. I look at 25 little kids every day. Anyone of them could could very easily be my own child. I do like being a teacher. I think I made the right choice. But that doesn't change the fact that there is still a very large hole in my life. One that won't be easily filled. One that requires so much faith and patience on my part. Some days, I just don't have it. I honestly question God on a regular basis. While I know he has a good plan, I often wonder if he couldn't speed things up a bit. What on earth am I supposed to be learning from waiting so long? And as I see so many older singles I really do question if this is his plan. Does he really want so many of us to be as old as we are and still be single? I realize Satan is working hard, but really, can't he just lift a finger to help us out?! I know that he is in my life far more than I realize and that he is doing more than lifting a finger, but it's so hard when you really don't see much evidence of it. I prayed in the car this morning and spent a good 10 minutes of thinking of things I'm grateful for and I have a lot, but I'm still so sad about what is missing. I suppose that's okay. It's a big thing, an important thing and I don't want it to become unimportant to me, but sometimes it's just so much heartache that I just have to shake my fist at God a little bit. I know he understands. He's shaking his head, patting me on the head, smiling to himself because he knows what's in store and I don't. I hope I can hold out. I'm just so tired of being by myself.

A good dose of the outdoors

This summer has been jam packed. I've been driving like crazy and have hardly been home for a weekend since the beginning of May. I had a rare weekend where I wasn't traveling somewhere and it worked out perfectly to be the weekend of my old Stake MSA camping activity. Luckily Aubrey also had a free weekend so we packed up our stuff and headed up Payson canyon. It was BEAUTIFUL. The weather was perfect, the campsite was perfect, the company was good. I came home tired, with a slight sunburn and smelling like a camp fire. To me this equals a very successful camping trip.

 It's amazing how a few minutes can completely change the scenery. There were no filters used. I love nature. God is the ultimate artist.

When I got home, I took a much needed nap and then got ready to go hiking up American Fork canyon to Scout Falls. The hike was pretty easy and again it was beautiful.

I thought I would sleep like a rock Saturday night, but I actually had a hard time falls asleep. Luckily I managed to get a good nap in on Sunday. I'm hoping as my schedule starts to taper and fall into more of a routine, I'll have some time before it gets too cold to go camping at least one more time and get some good hiking in.

California

After Oregon we headed down to California for Kevin's wedding. Julie and Sterling were nice enough to take the longer route through the Redwoods so I could check another National park off my list. The trees were SO huge and tall. It was beautiful and I loved it!

 The water was SO warm. I wish it had been deeper and we could have gone for a swim.

 

I just couldn't get over how HUGE these trees are. 

 Saturday morning we headed to the Oakland temple for Kevin and Kaylene's wedding. It was hot, but they were so happy and it was a lovely ceremony. Check Oakland off the bucket list. Overall the trip worked out very well for my bucket list items. Two National Parks and two temples!

Oregon

Last week I took time off work to go with my sister and brother in law on a trip to Oregon. It was a very long drive but I had a great time hanging out with my sister and little baby Coral.

 Don't mind that I look homeless. Look at that adorable little smile!!! She's the cutest!

 Except when she blows out on your white shirt. I got peed on, puked on and pooped on within 24 hours.

 The fourth of July didn't really impress her much. We went to a parade. It was SO hot and the parade was kind of a let down. I need more floats and horses to make it a real parade.

 We were the best of friends all week! She really does love me.

 I made it to the Medford temple so I can cross that one off the bucket list.

 And I made it Crater Lake so I can cross that one off the bucket list as well! There wasn't much to do so we got some pictures, I hiked a bit and then we drove back.

I'm an auntie!

We've been waiting for this little bundle to finally come for weeks now, but she just took her sweet little time. Julie's water finally broke Saturday morning and around 2 Sterling called me to see if I wanted to come hang out and watch a movie with them at the hospital. I had to wait for something to come out of the oven and as I was leaving he called again to see if I was on my way. She had dilated to a 9 and delivery was in the near future. As I walked into the hospital room I was accosted by a nurse asking who I was and when Sterling told her I could come in, I wasn't quite prepared for my sister to be in between contractions.
Her nurses were awesome. Seriously the one was the best cheerleader ever. I felt like I could deliver a baby. Coral's heart rate kept dropping and they were afraid the umbilical chord was around her neck so the doctor busted out the forceps and just like that there was a baby. They brought in the respiratory team and she ended up in the NICU for a bit to help her lungs out, but other than that she was perfect and chubby. 8 lbs 5 oz. What a little fatty. But she's cute as anything and I'm so glad she's here.

Mother's Day

This Mother's Day weekend was a busy one for me and it took a turn that I was definitely not expecting.
Friday night I headed up to Idaho with my aunt, uncle and cousin. My sister had her Idaho baby shower on Saturday and it was a very full weekend. Saturday morning I got up and ran 8 miles. That kind of wiped me out for the day, but there was still a lot to be done. We all got ready and headed to Idaho Falls for the temple open house. It was mostly the same, but they did change some of the rooms and furniture. It was very lovely.
After the temple we headed home to get ready for the baby shower. Lots of decorating, but relatively easy set-up since we had everything but the fruit ready. My mom was worried that no one would come but we had a great turnout.

Clean up was really fast and then we headed home. Mom and dad went to Idaho Falls with aunt Tammy and uncle Benny to look at a truck my grandpa is selling so I decided to see what Denae was up to. It worked out that they were having some pizza for dinner and Julie and Sterling were headed to visit some friends so they could drop me off since I was without a car. It was great to visit with Denae and David and their friends.
Sunday morning we started going through boxes and getting rid of stuff to help mom kick start her sewing room cleaning. I bought a long arm quilting machine and we need somewhere to put it so mom is working on making space for it for me. We made some good progress.
Church was pretty normal. The Elders Quorum presidency were the speakers and they were the typical Mother's Day, honor women talks you expect, but the musical number was really hard for me. I don't know what it was but I just cried through the whole thing and then cried for the rest of sacrament meeting. I walked home after church and went through some more boxes and tried to cheer up. I wasn't very successful. I have never had a problem with Mother's Day before, but for whatever reason, the baby shower, my very pregnant sister sitting next to me, or whatever else, this was a rough Mother's Day for me.
On the way home I did get two very nice texts that I was not expecting. The first was from Katie.
"Happy day to you! Thank you for being such a wonderful example to my girls!"
The second was from my friend John.
"Happy Mother's Day. You not only possess, but epitomize, every trait of woman and mother that I heard from the pulpit today. You are the most kind, nurturing, and strong woman that I know. I believe that your children would have the best chance of success in this life, because they'd be closer to Christ through you. You lead by example through your hard work, and always put the Lord first."
It was nice to get those messages especially since I had such a hard time at church. I am grateful for the wonderful women in my life who have taught and nurtured me, especially my own mother who is such an example of selflessness and love.

National Parks

As I was driving to work this morning and my mind was wondering, I decided I wanted to add something to my bucket list. And now that I'm typing this I think I'm going to add two things.

1. Visit all the National Parks. I counted 61 on this list, but Yellowstone is listed on there 3 times for the 3 states that it covers. This starts now so anything I have previously visited doesn't count. That's only 4 parks anyway and I'd be happy to go back to all 4 of them. I am okay with this taking many years to accomplish. :) If you're planning a trip to or near any of these places and want to invite me, I'd be okay with that. 

Alaska (8)	Denali	1917
	Gates of the Arctic	1980
	Glacier Bay	1980
	Katmai	1980
	Kenai Fjords	1980
	Kobuk Valley	1980
	Lake Clark	1980
	Wrangell - St. Elias	1980
American Samoa	American Samoa	1988
Arizona (3)	Grand Canyon	1919
	Petrified Forest	1962
	Saguaro	1994
Arkansas	Hot Springs	1921
California (8)	Channel Islands	1980
	Death Valley	1994
	Joshua Tree	1994
	Kings Canyon	1940
	Lassen Volcanic	1916
	Redwood	1968
	Sequoia	1890
	Yosemite	1890
Colorado (4)	Black Canyon of the Gunnison	1999
	Great Sand Dunes	2004
	Mesa Verde	1906
	Rocky Mountain	1915
Florida (3)	Biscayne	1980
	Dry Tortugas	1992
	Everglades	1947
Hawaii (2)	Haleakala	1916
	Hawaii Volcanoes	1916
Idaho	Yellowstone	1872
Kentucky	Mammoth Cave	1941
Maine	Acadia	1919
Michigan	Isle Royale	1940
Minnesota	Voyageurs	1975
Montana (2)	Glacier	1910
	Yellowstone	1872
Nevada	Great Basin	1986
New Mexico	Carlsbad Caverns	1930
North Carolina	Great Smoky Mountains	1934
North Dakota	Theodore Roosevelt	1978
Ohio	Cuyahoga Valley	2000
Oregon	Crater Lake	1902
South Carolina	Congaree	2003
South Dakota (2)	Badlands	1978
	Wind Cave	1903
Tennessee	Great Smoky Mountains	1934
Texas (2)	Big Bend	1944
	Guadalupe Mountains	1966
U.S. Virgin Islands	Virgin Islands	1956
Utah (5)	Arches	1971
	Bryce Canyon	1928
	Capitol Reef	1971
	Canyonlands	1964
	Zion	1919
Virginia	Shenandoah	1935
Washington (3)	Mount Rainier	1899
	North Cascades	1968
	Olympic	1938
Wyoming (2)	Grand Teton	1929
	Yellowstone	1872

2. Go to all the temples in the United States. Once upon a time I had a goal to go to all of the temples and then the number of temples exploded and that was just ridiculous. I changed my goal to all the temple in Utah and finished that up in December. Again this goal will take a long time to accomplish, but I am going to count the ones I've already been to on this one. Currently there are 83 temples operating, being built or announced in the United States. I've done ordinances in 24 and been to sealings in an additional 2.

Seattle

Spokane

Columbia River

Portland (Sealing)

Medford

Meridian

Boise (Sealing)

Rexburg

Idaho Falls

Pocatello

Twin Falls

Billings

Star Valley

Fort Collins

Denver

Logan

Vernal

Monticello

Manti

Cedar City

St. George

Brigham City

Ogden

Bountiful

Salt Lake

Jordan River

Oquirrh Mountain

Draper

Mt. Timpanogos

Saratoga Springs

Provo

Provo City Center

Payson

Reno

Las Vegas

Sacramento

Oakland Sealing

Fresno

Los Angeles

Redlands

Newport Beach

San Diego

Snowflake

Phoenix

Mesa

Gilbert

Gila Valley

Tucson

Albuquerque

Oklahoma City

Lubbock

Dallas

San Antonio

Houston

Baton Rouge

Detroit

Chicago

Nauvoo

Columbus

Indianapolis

Louisville

Nashville

Memphis

Raleigh

Palmyra

Boston

Hartford

Manhattan

Philadelphia

Washington D.C.

Columbia

Atlanta

Birmingham

Orlando

Ft. Lauderdale

Anchorage

Kona

Laie

Bismarck

St. Paul

Winter Quarters

Kansas City

St. Louis