Leap of Faith

Last night I was thinking about faith and courage. I am terrified to make a big change in my life because I don't know how it will turn out. I was thinking about the phrase "leap of faith" and how terrifying leaping is, but as I thought about it I realized something. Even if it doesn't work out how I think it should or want it to, I'm not going to fall to my death. God is my net. Even if I jump and it doesn't work, I'm not going to die. God will catch me, we'll get back to solid ground, maybe not where I started, but safe and in one piece, and we will figure something else out. But there is also the chance that when I leap, God will give me wings and I will fly. Either way I'll be okay, I just have to muster the courage to run and jump and find out.

Fast Sunday

       Fast Sunday (here's a link on fasting) in my ward is more times than  not, completely amazing. The caliber of people I get to interact with is unreal. I've been trying very hard this year to actually prepare for Fast Sunday. I have been choosing someone specific to fast for and asking them what they would like me to specifically fast and pray about for them. It takes some of the burden off myself, trying to think of specific things to fast about. This month I had a person and she gave me something specific, but I also had a few other things on my mind.
       As I sat in sacrament meeting listening to everyone share their testimonies, I was amazed at how God knows each of us. How he orchestrates each of our lives, to lift and help those around us. We mutually help ourselves and others and we share and listen and serve. There were so many testimonies shared on the Book of Mormon, which has been on my mind a lot lately and one particular testimony talking about missionary work. I am so grateful for the missionaries and the work that they do. It is hard work. Physically and emotionally exhausting. I am grateful for the opportunity I had to be a missionary in Spain and for the beautiful people I was able to meet, talk to and share the gospel with. If you'd like to meet with the missionaries, click here. I may or may not have cried through a good chunk of sacrament meeting.
        When I got to Relief Society, I seriously contemplated leaving. I was emotional spent and just didn't want to interact with anyone or sit through another 45 minutes of church, but the closing song was going to be "Be Still my Soul" which is one of my favorite hymns, so I decided to stay. Whatever keeps you there right? Sarah gave a great lesson on the enabling power of the atonement. Besides the continued flow of tears the lesson brought, it was just what I needed to hear. We so often forget this aspect of the atonement, focusing on the redemptive power, which is obviously important, but the other side is equally important.

        Life is really hard. We face so many trials, big and small. We have disappointments and heartache and it is hard to see hope sometimes and to keep going. It is in these times, when we think we just can't take it anymore that we can apply the enabling power of the atonement. We can draw on the power of Jesus Christ to support and sustain us. We don't have to do it on our own. That was never the plan. He is there and this gift is extended to us 24 hours a day, every day.
        I had a meltdown at bedtime. God and I had a good discussion, there was a lot more crying, but in the end He was able to remind me of the lesson I had received just hours before. My pain was not unknown to Him, my frustration and uncertainty are known and important to Him. His plan is better than my plan, His timing better than mine. He will help me through and it will be good. So much better than I could ever hope for. He loves me. And He loves you too.

Gilbert Blythe

Sad news of my weekend. The actor who played Gilbert Blythe in Anne of Green Gables died last week. He was only 48. I was going to watch Anne yesterday, but couldn't due to the fact that I left the DVD remote home when I was there last.

As I've been reading things about Jonathan Crombie and Gilbert Blythe, I've reflected a little bit on why I love Gil so much. He is the boy next door. That cocky, awkward boy who doesn't know how to show he cares, who turns into the humble, sincere man who sticks with Anne through all of her drama. He encourages her and supports her and just loves her and it's adorable. I guess that's why we love him, because that's what we are looking for. We want someone who will love us in spite of our quirks and drama. Who supports us and sticks with us and always believes in us even when we don't believe in ourselves. Thank you Jonathan Crombie for doing such an excellent job of bringing Gilbert Blythe to life; for portraying a realistic, endearing, ideal man, without too much highfalutin mumbo jumbo.

Family, worth the effort

A couple weeks ago my grandpa and his wife were in a very serious car accident. It happened in Midvale, Utah which put me at being the closest relative on my grandpa's side of things. I went to the hospital to visit them. I was prepared to see them pretty beat up, but I was not prepared for the emotional toll the family aspect would take on me.

My grandparents have been divorced for well over 20 years. My grandpa has been married to his wife Laree for about 20 years. As I walked into the room to see Laree, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I was walking into a room full of strangers. People who were related to me by marriage, who had been related to me for many years, but for all intents and purposes were complete strangers to me, filled the room and weren't able to offer me any comfort. I almost burst into tears right there. Luckily I managed to contain the tears. Talked with everyone, got to know them a little bit, got updated on the situation and took it like a big girl. That didn't make it past the doors of the hospital when I called my mom to give her an update and just cried and cried about the situation.

Family is obviously more than a marriage certificate. Family takes work. It takes work on both sides. It takes two people to make any kind of relationship. Our two families have not put in that effort and for that, we remain strangers. We'll probably continue to be strangers, but it did make me appreciate the family relationships I do have. I'm grateful for the camping trips, talent shows, silly songs, and miscellaneous life events that have kept us together and made us a family.

Celebrating 30

For my 30th birthday I decided I wanted to go to Disneyland. It's been a few years since I've been and I love Disneyland! I couldn't go on my actual birthday since it was on a Tuesday and that just doesn't work well when you have a job and the people you want to come with have jobs and school, so we moved it out to Presidents' Day weekend.
The group met up at my house Thursday night, my brother Kevin, my sister Julie, my cousin Jamee, my boyfriend Kyle and me. We piled into the car and were off into the night. It was a long trip. Driving through the night is efficient but very tiring. I don't sleep much since I'm constantly worried the driver will fall asleep and we'll all die.
We made decent time and rolled into the driveway where we were staying at about 5 a.m. We got our instructions from our lovely hostess Camille and then crashed for a couple hours. Then we were up and back in the car on our way to Knotts Berry Farm.
It was really hot, but not very crowded and we made it onto all the rides we wanted.

 Julie improvised a hat to protect herself a little bit from the sun.

 Kyle and I on the scrambler (the names for rides I use are probably the Lagoon names). Even not sitting together, Julie and I laughed and laughed and laughed. I was crying from laughing so hard. 

I think this is the Jaguar . . . 

We stopped at Walmart on the way back to the house for lunch supplies and hand sanitizer and then grabbed a pizza. Most of us were too tired to even eat when we got home and just went to bed. The next morning we slept in a little and then headed out to pick up our tickets. 

California Adventure was our stop for the day. It's changed a lot since I was there last. As we're walking to Carsland, my brother asks me to use my phone to check his facebook. Then I feel my cousin Jamee hanging on my shoulder, but she doesn't get off. When I turned to look at her, it wasn't Jamee, but MARC! Marc and Rick had come to the park. Jamee had planned a super surprise for me! 

This is probably my favorite picture from the trip, waiting in line for Tower of Terror.

 Marc was trying to channel his inner Mary Poppins and get the birds to eat out of his hands.

It looks like Rick and I are holding hands. But we're not.

We went to all the rides that were open that we wanted to catch. We tried our artistic skills

 Went to Monstropolis

 Rode the rides in Carsland

 Probably the lamest ride of the whole trip. Only fun because we had 7 people on the ride.

 Kevin and I obviously know where the camera is on California Screamin'.

Then it was home again to crash and then back up in the morning for Disneyland!!

 This was Space Mountain the second time around. The first time was SUPER lame. Nothing like idiot teenage girls trying to take a picture or record the whole ride with their bright cell phone in a dark ride sitting right in front of you.

 What is Disneyland without some Churros?

We stayed at Disneyland super late. We got off Indiana Jones at 12:15. It was definitely time to head back and get some sleep before the long trek home. The ride home was SOOO long.
We stopped in Vegas for some lunch at Steak N' Shake which was delicious, but added more time than we were planning.

Then we hit some ridiculous road construction in a canyon in Arizona. We finally made it back to Provo around 8 and Julie and Kevin still had the 4 hour drive back to Idaho. They did catch some z's in the car.

Over all a successful way to celebrate my 30th birthday! Thanks guys!

Thoughts on turning 30

I made it. I, of course, am now an expert having been 30 for one whole day, but I have come to some conclusions in my 27 hours of completing 30 trips around the sun.
1. I have really great people in my life
But really REALLY great people in my life. People I have known for years and people I have known not as many years. All really great. They are examples to me of what kind, caring, talented, awesome people should be. They have seen me at my very worst and still continue to be my friends and to support me and to love me and they are THE best.
2. My family is my favorite.
This is related to number one, but I felt my family deserved their own. I seriously have the greatest family and I love them a lot. My sister called me at midnight, left a voicemail and promptly went to sleep, but she wanted to be the first to wish me a happy birthday. My dad (who is notorious for forgetting my mom's birthday) called and sang to me. It was quite lovely. Even my two brothers called me! I was worried my mom would forget me, but she text me around 9:30. My family is just so great and I would be in a very different spot without their love, support and humor. Especially the humor.
3. 30 isn't much different from 29.
Obviously. I'm only a day older than I was yesterday, nothing changed except a number. But what an accomplishment! I made it 30 years!
4. I like me.
Also a big accomplishment. I was thinking yesterday about when I turned 15 in 2000 and how I pictured my life in another 15 years in 2015 and how far away that seemed. I'm not where I thought I would be, but I like myself more than I think I did back then. 
5. God is so good. 
I have been so incredibly blessed in my life. I have great family, great friends, I got a good education, I have a car, a job, a place to live. I have the gospel of Jesus Christ which helps me become a better person every day. I really can't believe I'm so lucky.

Here's to another great year.

Uplifted

I went to FHE on Monday night. Not the most exciting news of my life, but I haven't been in a long time because I've had to work Monday nights. I almost didn't go because I had so many other things I needed to do, but I decided I could go for the lesson and then leave and get other things done. Our lesson was on spiritual gifts and it was taught by John.
John is an interesting guy. He is SO smart. And he's smart in a lot of areas. He doesn't just know engineering, he knows everything. :) He was the Sunday School President when I taught Relief Society and was in charge of teaching a pilot program the church is working on for teacher development. Since I was a teacher, I was asked to attend that class.
Anyway, John gave his lesson and it was a good one, but it started to go long and I was ready to go. I'm sitting there just staring off waiting for it to be over and John calls on me. "I'd like to hear what Cathy is thinking about". Perfect. I actually did have something to say about the lesson so I gave my little blip and then think I'm done. Of course not. John, in true sincerity, thanks me for my comment and then gives me the nicest compliment. He said, "I always appreciate Cathy's comments. She is always so uplifting and I always feel uplifted when I'm around her". Or something similar to that. I was SO embarrassed for him to say that in front of our whole group and the other group that was meeting with us, but I was thankful for the compliment and the gentle reprimand for being so anxious to leave. I know John is always very sincere and that he doesn't throw things around just to make people feel nice.
I hope that is true and that I can and do uplift people and leave them feeling better about life and themselves.