Loss

When you have so many emotions and you aren't really sure how you're feeling and all you want to do is stay in bed and watch Christmas movies and cry but you have to be an adult and do adult things like go to work and go shopping and interact with people and pretend you are okay. Life really is unfair.

I think the emotion that is dominating is loss. Is that an emotion? I think it is. And it's not a fun one. And my nose hurts. And my garbage can is quickly filling with tissues. And I'm wondering why I even bothered putting makeup on this morning. I think I was trying to be optimistic. My optimism is fading. Quickly.

Timing

Timing has to be the biggest discourager and ruiner of dreams. You can do everything right but if the timing is off, it's just not going to work. Doesn't mean it won't happen, it's just not going to happen on your timeline and you might have to take a detour or maybe it does mean it won't happen and you have to change your plans. Either way, it can be a bummer.

Facebook blues

It can be dangerous to get on Facebook sometimes. You see everyone's best version of themselves. All the positives in their lives. I'm usually okay with it, knowing they are choosing to highlight the positive, probably to help deal with the negative. I'm happy that they are happy. But sometimes Facebook just slaps you in the face and you see the first married Christmas of this person, the three people announcing their new babies and the person who just got engaged and it just kinda hurts a little bit.

Decisions

"Tomorrow's joy or tomorrow's despair has its roots in decisions we make today. Perhaps some people think to themselves: 'I know I need to change some things in my life. Maybe later, but not now.'
Those who stand at the threshold of life always waiting for the right time to change are like the man who stands at the bank of a river waiting for the water to pass so he can cross on dry land. "
Elder Wirthlin Three Choices

I've had decisions on my mind lately and the first talk in sacrament meeting yesterday was on decisions. She used this quote from Elder Wirthlin and I felt like the talk was just for me. Making decisions is rough. I always say "just tell me what you want me to do God and I'll do it". And usually he doesn't. But sometimes he does and it actually isn't making things any easier. Wish me luck. 

Fillmore Lava Tubes

My friend Jon and I went down to Fillmore to explore the lava tubes on a Saturday adventure. After being lost for a minute or two we found them and went exploring. The weather was beautiful and we had a good time crawling around the rocks and exploring the caves. We only encountered one creature and really we only heard it. The one cave we went in was so dark. We turned our headlamps off for a minute and I imagined being lost in there with no light. It was a scary thought. Luckily we had light and weren't lost. 

Elections

This election has been a joke from the beginning. I have been saddened that as a society we couldn't come up with better candidates than the two main ones we had. How do you choose between two amoral, horrible people? In looking for the "lesser of two evils" I couldn't find one. People are free to disagree. It's your right to think that one is worse than the other. That's the other thing that saddened me about this election. The people who forgot or really who just didn't care about your right to your own opinion. People who were rude and mean and horrible. Now that the election is over and we have our President-elect, I'm still not sure how I feel. I knew the outcome would be crap either way it went. I wasn't prepared for the horribleness of people to continue. I blocked two posts this morning because of their language and blocked all posts from another person because I finally got fed up with his complete lack of respect for anyone. I won't unfriend or block someone for thinking differently than me, but I will block or unfriend someone for being completely disrespectful. Is this an ideal situation? No. Would it have been any better with the other outcome? I don't think so. It's a broken system and it's up to us to stop being broken people, a broken society, electing broken leaders.

I hope to be able to live in a way that shows that I believe in Jesus Christ. That I love people regardless of what they choose to believe. That I treat everyone with respect and decency and never turn to anger and hate. I pray for America and the world, that we can turn to love, hope and respect to solve our problems.

Grandma's 80th birthday

Grandma Van turned 80 on the 20th and in true Aunt Tammy fashion, she planned a big party. I know it was a lot of work for her, but it turned out so great and I know grandma loved it. 4 of her 5 kids were there and a good chunk of her grand kids were there. Every family was represented.
I left Friday afternoon to go to Sugar City. I should have done homework, but instead I got Fongs, read a book and played on snapchat with my sister.

 Saturday morning I got up and went for a run, made my soup and then dad and I were off to Jerome in my new car. It was really fun to drive with dad and just talk with him about life. It was a very enjoyable ride.
Once we got there we helped finish up preparations for dinner and waited for grandma to get there. Aubree loves to take pictures and will come and ask if you have a phone and if she can take a picture. I have loads of pictures on my phone she took.

 All of the Walker's and the Schultz's made it which means I got to see this guy.

 Sunday morning Kevin called me to see if I had already gone back to Utah. Kaylene had missed her bus and needed a ride to the airport. In trying to figure out a timeline, my friend Jon volunteered to go and pick her up and take her to the airport leaving me free to go to church with my friend Camille and go visit grandpa Van. It was a great weekend. I love my family!

Jon and Kaylene