Made it

Most of my New Years resolutions from 2014 were a bust, but I did this one. I ran in the freezing cold. I ran two a days. I ran on the last day of the year with a cold, but I finished it. Hopefully I can come up with some quality resolutions for 2015 and make them happen like I did this one.

Single thoughts

Holidays as a single person can really be the pits. I love my married friends. I think they are great. I know they have their trials and they are doing their best. I know they love me and want the very best for me. They have beautiful families, their children are adorable, if not a little bit monster sometimes. :) And at Christmas this year, I just don't really like to see it. I don't like their adorable family pictures and have thought more than once about blocking or unfriending them. It's not something I'm especially proud of and I'm working on it. It actually makes me feel like a very terrible person. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm completely exhausted and everything makes me either cry or want to hit something. Hahaha, this sounds so pathetic, but it's very honest. To all you single people out there feeling the same or something similar, you are not alone. You are not a terrible person. Keep going. Christmas is about Jesus Christ. Lucky for us he came for just such a reason. To take away our anger and pain and give us hope. For that I am very grateful.

Merry Christmas

Who decided this was a good idea?

December 12th. Status: almost dead.

In October I applied for a part time job at Joann fabric. I've had some serious dental work this year and I'm still working on paying it all off and figured a seasonal job would be just the ticket. Who knew that working 60 hours a week, trying to make your 600 mile running goal for the year, working a temple shift, taking a class and trying to get Christmas gifts done could wear a person out so completely?

Needless to say something had to give and it's been the class. Lucky for me it's independent study and although I was trying to finish it with BYU's semester, I actually have until August so it's not that big of a deal. Also my big Christmas project for my grandma is definitely not going to happen. That one is not actually my fault and I guess it could be a blessing in disguise since I just don't have the time anyway.

I have had so many angels in my life as I struggle through this mess I signed up for. I've had friends bring me dinner, save me spots at devotionals, text me to say they missed me at church and last night one of the temple coordinators took my turn to stay late and close the temple. I may have cried over a few of these.

I'm also very grateful for the testimonies this last week that helped me remember what Christmas is really about and feel a bit more of the Christmas spirit despite our glaring lack of yuletide snow.

Merry Christmas :)

Ragnar Las Vegas

Running addles your brain. That's the only conclusion I can come up with for why people would pay to run a ridiculous number of miles, "sleep" in a van, really be going on no sleep at all and then call it fun, but I have now signed up for this insanity twice. Four times if you count Ragnar trail, which was marginally better since we had a tent to sleep in, but still.

This time it was Las Vegas. My friend Leslie had a few people drop from the team she was on and asked if I wanted to go. The registration fee was already paid so I'd just be responsible for food and gas. That makes me less crazy right? I didn't have to pay extravagant amounts of money to run like a crazy person? At any rate we had a great time.

We got down to Vegas Thursday night and my cousin Rick came and picked me up for dinner. It was lucky I had called him the day before for my November grateful challenge, since I forgot he was living in Vegas. It was nice to chat with him and he won the prize for best cousin when he brought be sunscreen before my first leg and then stayed the whole time, moving along the route to cheer me on.

Friday morning we got up at 3:30 to get ready and head out. Sadly I hadn't really slept. I guess I was sleeping, but it wasn't a sound sleep and I didn't feel rested at all. I was runner 6, so it was kind of warm by the time it was my turn to run. I thought it was going to be awful, but it turned out to be not so bad.

We went back to the house to shower and nap, but again I was "sleeping" but didn't feel rested when I got up. We headed out for our second legs and I must say this was the most entertaining part of the trip for me. Two of my teammates were high school boys. They were so funny as we waited at the exchange for leg 2. I just laid on my seat in the van and listened to them sing their hearts out. Super Tramp of all things. It was very entertaining. My night run was my longest one. It was decent. I like running at night, but it was mostly in residential areas with lots of street lights so I couldn't even see the moonlight for most of it. Lame. My phone said I ran an 8 minute mile. Just shows that the GPS tracking on your phone isn't always very accurate. :) After leg 2 we headed to a hotel. I slept like a rock there, but sadly it was short lived as we had to get up 2.5 hours later to go run. I was feeling pretty awful at that point and I'm pretty sure I would have died if we hadn't had the van that I could sleep in for a couple more hours.

This is what we looked like a lot between runs and in the end. Completely wasted, sore and smelly. After my last run we headed back to the house and I showered super fast so I could go to lunch with my friend Casey. I don't think I have seen him since he moved in June so it was fun to catch up with him. We even did a little shopping which turned out to be very entertaining as well.

We decided to skip the finish line since we had to drive back to Provo. It was a long drive and I was very tired, but when we hit the rumble strips a couple times, I decided I better stay awake and help the driver stay awake. Better tired and alive than dead. :)

It was a much better overall experience than Ragnar Colorado. Having a van makes a huge difference. I was nervous about having two 17 year-olds on my team, but they turned out to be one of the highlights of the team. For only knowing one person on my team going into it, I was pleasantly surprised and would definitely do another Ragnar, provided I don't have to pay the entry fee and we have a van.

It's up to us to be the change

I love Josh Groban. I have for a long time. On my mission, my good friend Danizza, who is also a big Josh fan, sent me his Christmas album. Probably the best thing I was sent on my mission. I love this song Thankful. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite  holidays. I love that it's in the fall which is my favorite, that it focuses on being grateful for what you have, on giving to others, on relationships and on delicious food.

While I'm grateful for the time to focus on being grateful and take stock of all I have been given, I am not grateful for the billions of posts on facebook about it. I don't know why it drives me so crazy,  but it does. Last night as I was thinking about how my favorite month of October is over and that November starts Saturday and so do the grateful posts, I decided it would be good for me to take a break from facebook and focus on being grateful for the REAL FACE TO FACE relationships I have in my life. I have made the goal to call (or visit) one person every day and just chat with them for a little bit. Let them know I love them and I'm grateful for that relationship.

There really is so much to be thankful for. One of the things I am most grateful for and consistently thank God for are the relationships I have, the amazing people He has put into my life to help me through, inspire me, love me and help me remember who I really am. So if you get a call from me, I'm just calling to say hey, I love you. If you don't have time to chat, that's fine. I'll leave you a voicemail. If you don't get a call from me, know that I still love you!

Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves
There's so much sorrow
It's way too late to say
I'll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It's so long overdue

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And every day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Even with our differences
There is a place we're all connected
Each of us can find each other's light

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more

There's so much to be thankful for

It gets better

I've had a horrible time running for the last 6 months. I've never been a fast runner by any means, but in April I was running sub 10 minute miles. That's really good for me. Then I went on the Whole30 diet with my friend for the month of May and running was murder. Seriously I dreaded it every time it was a running day. I think the only reason I actually forced myself to go was because of my New Year's resolution to run 600 miles. I was slower than cold tar, I was tired the whole time and tired for the rest of the day. I thought it would get better when I went back to my regular diet. Nope. It was still miserable. I was slightly less tired, but still just as slow. And it started to make me mad. Really mad. Why on earth was I running when I wasn't improving? It wasn't fun. It was horrible. I'd be running and thinking, why am I doing this? What is the point? You are an idiot. Maybe I should have worked on more positive thinking, but even when I went out feeling good and had a positive attitude, I'd come back to the same slow times.
But I just stuck to it. Through early morning runs to avoid the heat. Early bedtimes, altered diet, more protein, more carbs, eat before, eat after and slowly. Oh so slowly, my times started coming back down and then in the last two weeks they've come down a lot! Monday I went running and it was awesome!! It was a longer-ish run and I kept up a good pace and when I got home I felt fantastic! I could have gone out and run some more. I was so happy and had lots of energy and it was great!!
I think so many times in life it's easy to get bogged down because we don't see any progress. All we see are the crappy trials and the failed attempts and the 8 steps back we just took, but if we just stick with it, keep trying, it will get better. Who knows how long it will take,  but it gets better.

Leaky Eye Syndrome

I think I must have something. My eyes just keep leaking this week. I swear there is nothing wrong, but I just feel so . . . sad? blah? unsettled? confused? frustrated? Okay, I guess maybe there is something wrong, I just can't quite pin it all down and figure out a solution. And so my eyes continue to leak. Randomly, at work in the middle of the day. Less leaky and more waterfall like at night in my bedroom. Why can't life be just a little bit easier to figure out?