It's coming

I'm trying REALLY hard not to wish away my summer and to just enjoy the season I'm in and the time I've been given. But really summer has never been my favorite and I'm really excited for

Seriously though. My roommate and I talked about how much we love the month of October for 10  minutes last night. It's just so great and I wish Fall lasted longer in the west.

Be obvious

Last night at our ward FHE, bishop shared a message about cairns.
What is a cairn you may ask? It's a trail marker made of stacked rocks.

He shared a story of when he was hiking and got separated from his group and realized he didn't know where the trail was. He started hiking and soon found two rocks stacked and a third rock kind of leaning on the other two. He wasn't sure it was a cairn, but didn't have anything else to go on, so he followed it and sure enough it lead to other cairns and he found the rest of his group. He compared that with another time when he came across a cairn that was very clearly stacked and ENORMOUS. It was obviously a cairn. No doubt or hesitation, he knew he was on the right path and could carry on with confidence.

He challenged us to be obvious cairns. When people look at us, they should be able to tell right away what we stand for and know that it's okay to follow our example. We need to be obvious in what we believe, by what we do.

Don’t you just love that? BE OBVIOUS. People shouldn’t question if we are different or not. It should be obvious that we are different. They should see us as the Christ loving, good people that we are taught to be. Hopefully by seeing that it will invite them to ask questions, follow, listen and accept the principles that make us that way. Hopefully we can live in a way that people can follow us with confidence and know that they are on the right path.

Step by step

It's the last day of July and I'm barely posting something for the month. I'd say it's because my life is boring, but that's not exactly true. Maybe busy? I don't think that's it either. Lazy is probably the better word. Whatever.

After my run last night I ran into my visiting teacher Deb. (Can I just say I love her? She's pretty much the best ever.) We had a nice little chat. The visiting teaching message this month was on teaching and learning the gospel. One part at the very end talks about asking meaningful questions. In my reading of the lesson I thought of a couple questions about that: What questions should I be asking? and How do you ask good questions? In my own visits to the girls I visit teach we discussed this, but didn't come up with any conclusions. In talking with Deb about the same thing I gained some insight.
First of all I need to prepare better for prayer. I just kneel down and go for it instead of thinking it out. There's nothing wrong with just going for it, but I don't feel like it's very effective for me. Deb also suggested that maybe our every day questions (maybe not necessarily spiritual) could be directed towards God instead of just thought of and discarded.
Next, to go with the first: think about the different areas of your life. Physical, emotional, spiritual, social, etc. In each of these areas ask these questions:
What do I want to change?
Who do I want to become?
What are my goals?
Who can I help along the way?
What worries me?
What talents do I want to develop?
Look at these questions (and others you think of) for each area. Now make and plan and think of questions to ask God to develop this plan and put it into action. Maybe I won't even know the answers to those questions and that will give me a place to start in my question asking.
Really ponder and find the questions of my soul. I think I should definitely write them down. I forget what I've asked for or what I'm working on so who knows what answers I've received and didn't even connect.
What opportunities have I passed by? What progress did I miss?
Lots to work on.

Time

Life is a funny thing. You have days that just drag on and on and you think they'll never be over and yet, when you stop and look back, you can't believe how fast the time has gone. I read this quote by Robert Frost the other day and it really hit home.

Life goes on. No matter the heartache and disappointment, life continues moving forward. Hopefully we continue to move with it. It doesn't discount our pain and trials, but time continues on and it does heal. It softens the pain. You don't forget, you don't fill the void, you learn to live with it and keep going.
14 years ago today we lost my brother Brad. Last year his birthday was really rough for me. It comes and goes, but it's always there. Some days are harder than others. I am so grateful for my family and our testimony of the Plan of Salvation. I'm grateful we stuck together and have become closer as the years have passed. I am grateful for the memories we have with Brad and the memories we have made since.
I am grateful for the friends God has given me who have helped me through trials and continue to lift and support me. I got a text from one of my best friends today just letting me know she was thinking of me today and another friend who probably didn't even think about it when she sent me a text of her kids that started my day out right. God knows and He puts people in our lives to make it a little easier.
God is aware of us. We don't always understand His plan or His timing, but I know He is always taking care of us and wants the very best for us. I am grateful for His constant hand in my life, even though I mostly don't understand and get very frustrated. I know He loves me and things will always work out the best way as long as I do my best to follow him.
Brad, I love you. I miss you. We all miss you.
Heavenly Father, keep taking care of him please. :)

Happy People

 A couple weeks ago I was at a birthday party. A friend of mine came up to me and said "Cathy, you smile more than you use to. You look much happier." It was a surprise, but welcome comment and I've thought about it a lot since then. Why do I smile more? Why am I happier? Could I be doing even better? My answer to the third question was "of course!" I can always do better. This morning a friend posted a link to an article or blog or whatever you want to call it "22 Things Happy People Do Differently." This might be a bit much to disclose about myself, but these are the ones I picked out that I really want to focus and work on.
2. Treat everyone with kindness.
Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.
4. Express gratitude for what they already have.
There’s a popular saying that goes something like this: “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.” You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don’t have.
6. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Happy people ask themselves, “Will this problem matter a year from now?” They understand that life’s too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life.
7. Speak well of others.
Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.
11. Avoid social comparison.
Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you’re better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You’ll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.
13. Never seek approval from others.
Happy people don’t care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that it’s impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone’s approval but your own.
14. Take the time to listen.
Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others’ wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel.
15. Nurture social relationships.
A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other.
16. Meditate.
Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don’t have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.
17. Eat well.
Junk food makes you sluggish, and it’s difficult to be happy when you’re in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body’s ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.
22. Accept what cannot be changed.
Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you’ll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

A lift from the Philippines

I should probably keep my drama to myself and only write my sister about uplifting happy things, but I don't. I write her about my life and I may complain about dating and marriage sometimes. It happens. This reply I got from her made me smile. She's so great. My perfect man is just lost in transit and will arrive at the perfect time. 

This is her letter:

I like to think of you like Elaine S. Dalton..... She's a babe!!! But.... she was like 36 before she was married.... I don't know if she was a weirdy or anything..... but I don't feel like people that are weird make it to where she has. I got a package in the mail from Cache the other day.... If I had gotten it any sooner I wouldn't have appreciated it, but seeing as how my week was crap, my companionship was crap, I felt like crap and then at the exact right timing I got a package from him, even though he sent it to me FOREVER ago!!!! Heavenly Father has already sent you the perfect man..... he's just waiting for the right time for him to arrive so that everything else can fall into place..... like me being back in time to attend your wedding:)

I love your guts sister!!!

I looked into this and it's not actually true. Elaine S. Dalton got married when she was 22, but really that's not even the point. My sister is great, she thinks I'm great, and really do believe God has already sent me the perfect man, he's just taking a long time. 

Where is my will?

This week was a little rough. I might have had a breakdown on Wednesday. I was overdue for one. Cried it out, got a hug, had a good laugh, went running, life was good. But as I got to pondering why I had the breakdown in the first place I realized that I need to change something. First thing, don't get too invested too quickly, but after that, I realized I need to figure out where my will is. Friday night at the temple the scripture minute was Doctrine and Covenants 6:36. This was one of my themes on the mission. I sometimes struggle to look to the Lord in all things. I doubt. I fear.

This morning I read Elder Bednar's talk "That We Might "Not Shrink", because maybe my problem isn't that I don't have the faith to "be healed" or that the Lord can do something, but my problem is that I don't have the faith for him to NOT do it. Just because he can, doesn't mean that it's part of his plan and for me that's harder to accept.

"But as John and Heather and I counseled together and wrestled with these questions, we increasingly understood that if God’s will were for this good young man to be healed, then that blessing could only be received if this valiant couple first had the faith not to be healed. In other words, John and Heather needed to overcome, through the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ, the “natural man” (Mosiah 3:19) tendency in all of us to demand impatiently and insist incessantly on the blessings we want and believe we deserve."

I am fighting this battle with the natural man. I demand impatiently the blessings I want, think I deserve and know the Lord could grant. But that is not how it works. I have to allow my will to be swallowed up in the Lord's will. I have to accept what he gives me and sometimes that includes what he chooses not to give me. I may think I know best, and I know what the possibilities are, but I have to come to grips with the fact that sometimes, the test is to accept what doesn't happen.

So I'm working on aligning my will with the Lord's. I'm sure it will be a long trip filled with relapse and relearning the same lesson again and again. Good thing the Lord is endlessly patient with me.