The hurts of life

Sometimes life just hurts. Last week I had one of those days. A close friend contacted me telling me of a hard thing she was facing in life and asking for advice. My heart broke for her. I didn't really feel like I had any great advice, but this was my response to her. I feel like I will probably be able to benefit from it somewhere down the road so I'm going to record it here. 

I often find I don't understand God's plan for me. My tiny vision of what's happening in my life leads me to believe that God is obviously not paying attention to me. If he were, he would see that I want good things, I'm living a good life and I deserve good things to happen to me. In reality he is far more aware of me than I know. My faith in his plan for me is usually challenged by my lack of faith in his timing. What I know doesn't always match how I feel and I often feel like there must be something I am doing wrong and therefore I am being punished. The lack of desired blessings is obviously God's way of chastising and punishing me. But that is false. That would  mean that people who are not really very great people and who aren't doing what they should and are getting the things that they want (sometimes things that I want) are being rewarded. But that isn't how God works. My view of what is just and fair don't always line up with the reality of God's justice, fairness and mercy. The agency of others is always the hardest thing to factor in.

I don't feel like I have any great advice for you, but I have found that when I am feeling like a little girl, lost in the recesses of the universe, forgotten and forsaken by God, it helps to count my blessings (super cheesy I know, but it works!) It helps to see all of the ways he has answered my prayers. The people he has blessed me with in my life. The tender mercies he extends to me every day. Remembering that he does see me.

I don't know God's plan for me or for you. But one thing I have learned is that God is always right. I have seen it over and over and over again. No matter how bad things seem, how much better I think my plan is, God is always right. And he is always generous and kind. It is not his goal to see how many tears he can make us cry, although there will definitely be many of those. He wants us to be happy and he knows the very best way to give us the most happiness possible. I have a letter somewhere my dad sent me when I was on my mission. I wish I had it right now, but I don't so I'll have to paraphrase. 'Life rarely works out in textbook fashion. Satan is far too smart for that.' There was way more to it than that, but I really just can't remember it. But that was the main point. Life rarely looks the way we think it will or should, but that doesn't mean it can't be or won't be amazing.

I found some quotes and thoughts from my blog that may be applicable to the situation. Know that I am praying for you friend. You are one of the very best people I know. Even if you don't understand it, God does have a plan for you and I know it's a great one. Remember the Atonement isn't just for our sins, but for all of our pains. Christ knows exactly how you are feeling. He can take your pain, raise you up and make you whole. Rely on him.