Made it

Most of my New Years resolutions from 2014 were a bust, but I did this one. I ran in the freezing cold. I ran two a days. I ran on the last day of the year with a cold, but I finished it. Hopefully I can come up with some quality resolutions for 2015 and make them happen like I did this one.

Single thoughts

Holidays as a single person can really be the pits. I love my married friends. I think they are great. I know they have their trials and they are doing their best. I know they love me and want the very best for me. They have beautiful families, their children are adorable, if not a little bit monster sometimes. :) And at Christmas this year, I just don't really like to see it. I don't like their adorable family pictures and have thought more than once about blocking or unfriending them. It's not something I'm especially proud of and I'm working on it. It actually makes me feel like a very terrible person. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm completely exhausted and everything makes me either cry or want to hit something. Hahaha, this sounds so pathetic, but it's very honest. To all you single people out there feeling the same or something similar, you are not alone. You are not a terrible person. Keep going. Christmas is about Jesus Christ. Lucky for us he came for just such a reason. To take away our anger and pain and give us hope. For that I am very grateful.

Merry Christmas

Who decided this was a good idea?

December 12th. Status: almost dead.

In October I applied for a part time job at Joann fabric. I've had some serious dental work this year and I'm still working on paying it all off and figured a seasonal job would be just the ticket. Who knew that working 60 hours a week, trying to make your 600 mile running goal for the year, working a temple shift, taking a class and trying to get Christmas gifts done could wear a person out so completely?

Needless to say something had to give and it's been the class. Lucky for me it's independent study and although I was trying to finish it with BYU's semester, I actually have until August so it's not that big of a deal. Also my big Christmas project for my grandma is definitely not going to happen. That one is not actually my fault and I guess it could be a blessing in disguise since I just don't have the time anyway.

I have had so many angels in my life as I struggle through this mess I signed up for. I've had friends bring me dinner, save me spots at devotionals, text me to say they missed me at church and last night one of the temple coordinators took my turn to stay late and close the temple. I may have cried over a few of these.

I'm also very grateful for the testimonies this last week that helped me remember what Christmas is really about and feel a bit more of the Christmas spirit despite our glaring lack of yuletide snow.

Merry Christmas :)

Ragnar Las Vegas

Running addles your brain. That's the only conclusion I can come up with for why people would pay to run a ridiculous number of miles, "sleep" in a van, really be going on no sleep at all and then call it fun, but I have now signed up for this insanity twice. Four times if you count Ragnar trail, which was marginally better since we had a tent to sleep in, but still.

This time it was Las Vegas. My friend Leslie had a few people drop from the team she was on and asked if I wanted to go. The registration fee was already paid so I'd just be responsible for food and gas. That makes me less crazy right? I didn't have to pay extravagant amounts of money to run like a crazy person? At any rate we had a great time.

We got down to Vegas Thursday night and my cousin Rick came and picked me up for dinner. It was lucky I had called him the day before for my November grateful challenge, since I forgot he was living in Vegas. It was nice to chat with him and he won the prize for best cousin when he brought be sunscreen before my first leg and then stayed the whole time, moving along the route to cheer me on.

Friday morning we got up at 3:30 to get ready and head out. Sadly I hadn't really slept. I guess I was sleeping, but it wasn't a sound sleep and I didn't feel rested at all. I was runner 6, so it was kind of warm by the time it was my turn to run. I thought it was going to be awful, but it turned out to be not so bad.

We went back to the house to shower and nap, but again I was "sleeping" but didn't feel rested when I got up. We headed out for our second legs and I must say this was the most entertaining part of the trip for me. Two of my teammates were high school boys. They were so funny as we waited at the exchange for leg 2. I just laid on my seat in the van and listened to them sing their hearts out. Super Tramp of all things. It was very entertaining. My night run was my longest one. It was decent. I like running at night, but it was mostly in residential areas with lots of street lights so I couldn't even see the moonlight for most of it. Lame. My phone said I ran an 8 minute mile. Just shows that the GPS tracking on your phone isn't always very accurate. :) After leg 2 we headed to a hotel. I slept like a rock there, but sadly it was short lived as we had to get up 2.5 hours later to go run. I was feeling pretty awful at that point and I'm pretty sure I would have died if we hadn't had the van that I could sleep in for a couple more hours.

This is what we looked like a lot between runs and in the end. Completely wasted, sore and smelly. After my last run we headed back to the house and I showered super fast so I could go to lunch with my friend Casey. I don't think I have seen him since he moved in June so it was fun to catch up with him. We even did a little shopping which turned out to be very entertaining as well.

We decided to skip the finish line since we had to drive back to Provo. It was a long drive and I was very tired, but when we hit the rumble strips a couple times, I decided I better stay awake and help the driver stay awake. Better tired and alive than dead. :)

It was a much better overall experience than Ragnar Colorado. Having a van makes a huge difference. I was nervous about having two 17 year-olds on my team, but they turned out to be one of the highlights of the team. For only knowing one person on my team going into it, I was pleasantly surprised and would definitely do another Ragnar, provided I don't have to pay the entry fee and we have a van.

It's up to us to be the change

I love Josh Groban. I have for a long time. On my mission, my good friend Danizza, who is also a big Josh fan, sent me his Christmas album. Probably the best thing I was sent on my mission. I love this song Thankful. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite  holidays. I love that it's in the fall which is my favorite, that it focuses on being grateful for what you have, on giving to others, on relationships and on delicious food.

While I'm grateful for the time to focus on being grateful and take stock of all I have been given, I am not grateful for the billions of posts on facebook about it. I don't know why it drives me so crazy,  but it does. Last night as I was thinking about how my favorite month of October is over and that November starts Saturday and so do the grateful posts, I decided it would be good for me to take a break from facebook and focus on being grateful for the REAL FACE TO FACE relationships I have in my life. I have made the goal to call (or visit) one person every day and just chat with them for a little bit. Let them know I love them and I'm grateful for that relationship.

There really is so much to be thankful for. One of the things I am most grateful for and consistently thank God for are the relationships I have, the amazing people He has put into my life to help me through, inspire me, love me and help me remember who I really am. So if you get a call from me, I'm just calling to say hey, I love you. If you don't have time to chat, that's fine. I'll leave you a voicemail. If you don't get a call from me, know that I still love you!

Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves
There's so much sorrow
It's way too late to say
I'll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It's so long overdue

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And every day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Even with our differences
There is a place we're all connected
Each of us can find each other's light

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more

There's so much to be thankful for

It gets better

I've had a horrible time running for the last 6 months. I've never been a fast runner by any means, but in April I was running sub 10 minute miles. That's really good for me. Then I went on the Whole30 diet with my friend for the month of May and running was murder. Seriously I dreaded it every time it was a running day. I think the only reason I actually forced myself to go was because of my New Year's resolution to run 600 miles. I was slower than cold tar, I was tired the whole time and tired for the rest of the day. I thought it would get better when I went back to my regular diet. Nope. It was still miserable. I was slightly less tired, but still just as slow. And it started to make me mad. Really mad. Why on earth was I running when I wasn't improving? It wasn't fun. It was horrible. I'd be running and thinking, why am I doing this? What is the point? You are an idiot. Maybe I should have worked on more positive thinking, but even when I went out feeling good and had a positive attitude, I'd come back to the same slow times.
But I just stuck to it. Through early morning runs to avoid the heat. Early bedtimes, altered diet, more protein, more carbs, eat before, eat after and slowly. Oh so slowly, my times started coming back down and then in the last two weeks they've come down a lot! Monday I went running and it was awesome!! It was a longer-ish run and I kept up a good pace and when I got home I felt fantastic! I could have gone out and run some more. I was so happy and had lots of energy and it was great!!
I think so many times in life it's easy to get bogged down because we don't see any progress. All we see are the crappy trials and the failed attempts and the 8 steps back we just took, but if we just stick with it, keep trying, it will get better. Who knows how long it will take,  but it gets better.

Leaky Eye Syndrome

I think I must have something. My eyes just keep leaking this week. I swear there is nothing wrong, but I just feel so . . . sad? blah? unsettled? confused? frustrated? Okay, I guess maybe there is something wrong, I just can't quite pin it all down and figure out a solution. And so my eyes continue to leak. Randomly, at work in the middle of the day. Less leaky and more waterfall like at night in my bedroom. Why can't life be just a little bit easier to figure out?

Conference Weekend, can it get any better?

I submit that it cannot, unless maybe we had another day of it.

Seriously this Conference weekend is one of the best I can think of. I was SO excited for it. I have actually been consciously preparing for it for a couple of weeks. Usually I'm more of a "oh yeah, conference is tomorrow, better think of some questions", scribble something down and be on my way. This time around I've really had some things weighing on my mind and was looking forward to some insight and guidance from God's chosen servants. I was not disappointed.

Conference weekend started out with the BYU game. My roommate scored some free tickets, so we decided to ask a couple of guys from the ward and go to the game. Our ward is doing a Oktoberdatefest with a ward goal of 300 dates. We were just doing our part. ;) Sadly BYU lost, but we still had a good time.

My sister came down for a mission reunion, so it was fun to spend conference with her. She was a bit on the tired side. This was her during the "rest hymn".

I think all of the speakers were told the same thing. Write a message for Cathy. They all listened to this assignment really well. Seriously though. Especially Saturday Morning and Sunday Afternoon sessions. The talks were just so tailored for me.

Saturday afternoon Julie and I headed up to Salt Lake. Julie had a dinner with some mission people and I had my annual October Conference ice cream date with one of my best friends Dana. We decided to forgo the ice cream and get dinner instead since I was STARVING.  We always have such a great time together and I just love getting to catch up with her. I'm so grateful for her friendship and for her willingness to put in the effort to stay friends. She moved away in the 8th grade, long before facebook, cell phones, and at the beginning of the email days. It's definitely taken some effort, but look at us now.

Still as ridiculous as ever, but I wouldn't change that.

I tried to get some homework done when I got home from dinner with Dana, but my body just wasn't going to have it and I fell asleep at 9:15. Apparently conference was just a bit too much for me.

Sunday morning we were back on the couches with pens ready. It was a beautiful day with more beautiful messages. I think Sunday afternoon session was my favorite and I am just so thankful for a Heavenly Father who is mindful of me and what I need. I really just can't even wait to have a printed copy of all the talks to mark up and study out. In the meantime I'll just listen to them again. And again.

After conference Brenda and I decided a drive up the canyon to see the fall colors was in order. It was a beautiful drive although it did make me a little sick on the twisty road.

God is good. Really, really good.

A little road trippin'

My friend Kari's birthday was on Sunday and she invited me to go on a road trip with her down to St. George in celebration. She had never been to Zion National Park and wanted to check it off her list. So Friday afternoon we packed up and headed out. We had a nice drive down talking about whatever we felt like. About an hour before we arrived I got really excited to see The Little Mermaid at Tuacahn and we decided we should sing the rest of the way. Not sing songs, but sing our conversation. It was very entertaining.
We stayed with our friend Blaire at her family's house in St. George. We dropped off our stuff and then piled in the car to head to Tuacahn. Blaire's brother in law works there and scored us some free tickets. Since Kari's third person she invited couldn't come at the last minute we had an extra ticket to the play so we took Blaire's 4 year old niece Anya with us. She was shy for about 37 seconds and then proceeded to tell me everything about everything since I was sitting in the back with her. By the time we got to Tuacahn we were the best of friends.

The play was fantastic!! I had heard the soundtrack to the play before on the way home from my mission in Spain. It makes for a very long flight when the person next to you is asleep, you can't play the games on the touch screen in front of you because they make you sick and you can't watch the movie; A. because you're a missionary and B. because it will make you sick just like the game did. That leaves listening to music provided by the airline, so what else is a poor missionary to do but listen to Disney. I loved the added songs and was excited to see how they played out. I was not disappointed. It. Was. FABULOUS. I really just loved it so much.

The next morning Blaire and I snuck out to the grocery store to get some flowers and chocolate for Kari's birthday while she was still sleeping. When we got back we headed into town for some breakfast at The Bear Paw. I decided to just go with the pancakes. Kind of boring. In my head I was thinking IHOP so I ordered the large stack because I was feeling very hungry. Holy cow! The pancakes were bigger than my face! I barely made it through 2 and gave the last one to Blaire since her French toast was so little.
Then we were off to Zion. I've been there a few times, but I forget how HUGE those rocks are. It's amazing to me the talents of God. I know that sounds a bit ridiculous, but seriously! What an artist! The colors and just the size of those rocks is so amazing.

Kari wanted to hike the narrows so we got on the bus and headed in. It was a pretty warm day, but once we got down to the water it was the perfect temperature. Being down in that canyon provided shade and the water was pretty cold. It worked out perfectly.

After the narrows we headed to the emerald pools. It had a beautiful view that has provided a nice new lock screen for my phone.

Saturday night we went to Anasazi, an interesting steak house in St. George. They brought you your meat on a hot stone and you cooked it yourself. It was very different, but fun.
Sunday morning we went to a local ward and it happened to be the primary program. It was very entertaining watching those little kids say their parts and sing the songs.
We finished up the trip with a stop at Blaire's house for lunch. Sloppy Joes, my favorite! And then headed out to Snow Canyon. It was SUPER hot so we only got out for one hike to Jenny's canyon which was only half a mile round trip.
It was a really fun weekend with Kari and Blaire and I'm glad I got to go.

Utah temples

It's on my bucket list to go to all the temples in Utah and Idaho and do an ordinance of some kind.

Logan
Brigham City
Ogden
Bountiful
Salt Lake 
Jordan River
Draper
Oquirrh Mountain
Timponogos
Provo
Provo City Center- construction
Vernal
Payson- construction
Cedar City- construction
Monticello
St. George


Rexburg
Idaho Falls
Twin Falls
Boise- been to two sealings, but I've never actually done an ordinance
Meridian - construction

I'd say I'm doing pretty good.

Decisions

I hate making decisions. Like big ones that are really going to affect my life. Probably in a really big way. I've been feeling the need for a big change for a few months now. New job, new place, new people. And although I know I need the change, I just have no idea what to do or where to go. It's terrifying. I feel like I'm stuck in life and then even more stuck in trying to decide what to do. A neon sign pointing in the right direction would be super. Sadly I know that's not how it works. I'm glad general conference is in a couple weeks. I probably should make a couple trips to the temple as well and maybe find out who my home teachers are. Being an adult really is the pits sometimes.

Camping Camping

I love camping. Love it. Sadly I haven't done much of it this summer, but thanks to my brother Kevin we had an awesome family camping trip this last weekend. He and Marc decided it needed to happen and Kevin took it on, with the help of mom and aunt Tammy of course. They found a weekend that worked for everyone and at pretty much the last minute, it was decided that we would go camping out by Heise hot springs.

Friday I got off work early and headed to Jon and Louisa's. Jamee and I would be taking three of their kids and they would be coming with the other three in Jamee's car. There was a little misunderstanding that led to a late start, but the kids entertained themselves climbing in and around my car while we waited. 

Once we got loaded up we hit the road for our four hour drive. The kids did pretty well, with Talmage only asking if we were there yet three times. We had to make a stop in Idaho Falls for some last minute supplies. I was super fast getting everything, but then ended up in the longest line ever! We finally got back on the road and made it to camp. It was dark, but luckily everyone had been there for a couple days already and everything was already set up. Dinner was just getting done so we sat down to eat with everyone.

Saturday morning mom and I were in charge of breakfast.We had eggs, hash browns and bacon.

After breakfast we headed out to Ririe Reservoir. Sadly I didn't get any pictures. It was pretty windy and cold. Toward the end of the day the winds died down a bit and the sun tried to make an appearance so there were boat rides and exploits on the jet skis. A couple of the little kids ventured to jump in the water and Julie and I had the great idea that we should push Jamee in. It worked, but that meant we had to go in too. It was dang cold. Seriously. FREEZING. After warming up a bit, Jamee, Julie and I went to change into running clothes to run the 10+ miles back to camp.

It was a miserable run. We know I've been having troubles the last 4 months with running and it wasn't any better this time. I had eaten tacos about and hour before and we didn't bring any water. We decided that instead of running on the highway for a mile we would just run on a dirt farm road until it connected on the other side. It didn't connect like we thought it would so we decided to keep going through the farms. Oh my goodness. It was an adventure. I was slower than normal and SOOOO thirsty. We had to cross a few canals and a river. Luckily there were stellar "bridges" so we didn't have to ford the river.

We finally connected with the road and made a stop at Mountain River Ranch for a drink. Then we were back on the road for the last 3 miles. At mile 9 we called Kevin to come and get us. Shortly after that my dad pulled up  behind us. He had been worried and went out looking for us. Thankfully we were not kidnapped by a trucker, murdered and cut up into little pieces. Just lost in the middle of an alfalfa field. :) We made it back for the end of dinner and then pretty much laid around the rest of the night.

Sunday was full of rain so we stayed in the camper for most of the morning. I took a walk with my dad once it quit and later in the afternoon Jamee, Julie, Kevin, Marc, Dustyn and I headed down the road for a little hike. It was a fun little hike. Julie and Marc are two of the most ridiculous people I know and they made it very entertaining.

we all look pretty homeless

Dustyn may struggle with the duck face ...

but really, no one looks good doing the duck face

Monday morning we packed up and headed out. Mom and Julie convinced me to come home and hang out for a while. Kevin took us out to Warm Slough for a little more jet ski riding. The water there was no warmer than the reservoir, but we had a good time. It was a rough drive home for me and I stopped on Malad pass and took a nap. Overall it was a fantastic camping trip. I love my family!!

Running in the dark

I went on a walk last night with my friend Lisa and she asked what was new in my life. That's always an interesting question because mostly life is just always the same, with maybe one or two turns. This time I reported on Ragnar Colorado.
She asked me about the legs I ran and which was my favorite. The night run was hands down my favorite. I told her I love to run at night and would run at night all the time if I could. She asked me why and these are the reasons I came up with.
1. It's a lot cooler. Temperature wise and in awesomeness.
2. It's peaceful. Not as much traffic and people out and about.
3. You can't see how far you still have to go.
Bonus: If the moon is out, it's just that much better.

Number three is probably one of my favorites. When I run I have a mental block of "Holy crap I still have so far to go, I can't even see the finish, look at that giant hill in front of me, I think I better walk now".
When I run at night, it's dark. I'm not suppose to be able to see how far I still have to go. I can't see the finish; BECAUSE IT'S DARK! I can't see the full size of that hill in front of me. I just keep telling myself one more step and it's easier for me to just keep going.

Lisa commented that there had to be a metaphor for life in there somewhere and last night when I was talking to my cousin Jamee about the trials and difficulties of life we came up with a few ideas. Here's one of them. So many times we wish we could just see the big picture. If we only knew what was coming it would be easier to handle. NOT TRUE. If we could see the whole picture, we'd see that giant mountain we're going to have to climb and we'd be terrified and cry and probably sit down and refuse to move. Sometimes being in the dark is the biggest favor the Lord can do for us. Either way we have to climb the mountain, but maybe if we can't see the end, it will make it easier to just keep going one day at a time, with just a little bit of the road visible in front of us.

Maybe some people would rather see the whole mountain before they start running and maybe sometimes we should try and see the whole picture, but as for me, I prefer running in the dark.

Ragnar Colorado

Sometimes your friends get you to do dumb things without even trying. Like run a Ragnar when you haven't been training and have been struggling to run 3 miles on 8 hours of sleep, but that's exactly what Brenda got me to do. Run Ragnar with absolutely no training.
She had been on the Ragnar team for a couple of months. She ran it last year and was happy to do it again this year even though she didn't have much time to train with all of her school stuff. Friday the first she messaged me and asked if I wanted to do it too, since the other team was still short runners. I've wanted to try a regular road Ragnar since I did trail last year and this seemed like a good opportunity. It was a sponsored team so all I had to pay for was food and gas and Brenda said it was a beautiful run. I thought about it over the weekend, recruited my friend Spencer to come too and we committed to the team on Monday.
Thursday morning we had two people drop out and we still weren't sure on the vehicle situation. It was really starting to give me anxiety. We finally got the runner situation figured out, van 1 would just take our leg 7 and we would just do a 5 man team in van 2. Since we were only going to have 5 runners, our team captain decided we would just take her car to save on gas.
Thursday night we left Provo at about 7 and headed for Colorado. It was a long drive, but we made pretty good time and crashed as soon as we got to the hotel. We only got about 4.5 hours of sleep (if we were lucky) and then the other team's van 1 was up and getting ready to leave. Brenda, Spencer and I had nothing to do about 6 hours waiting for van 1 to get to the exchange and for our other two teammates to get there. We sat around at the "lake" at the resort for a while and tried to not be too bored, but I think we were all glad to get things started.
 Brenda was our first runner. It was pretty warm and she had a long run. She ended up running even longer, because it was a moving exchange and we were pretty far down. I was the next runner and I was afraid between the heat and the altitude I was going to die, but it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. It was beautiful and I just might be in love with Colorado.

3 runners later and we were at a rec center sleeping on the gym floor.

It wasn't the best sleep I've ever had and it was only about two hours before we were packing our stuff back to the car and driving to the next exchange. Some vans really get into the whole thing and decorate their vans and it is awesome. This was one of my favorites.

It was about 2 in the morning at this point and we were running through Glenwood canyon. I was sad we were running it at night because it looked like it would be a beautiful canyon, but it was a great night run and we had an awesome moon!

 Luckily after this run we got to stay in a hotel. I slept much better there for about 3 hours and then we were dragging our sorry selves back out to the car for our last round of running. I was pretty gross and super tired by this time. My last run was really hot and even though it was only 3.3 miles it was slower than I've run in a LONG time, which is saying something since I've been so slow the last 3 months.
I was so glad when I was finished. The last three runners did great and we actually made pretty good time. We had a while to wait for our last runner. We got cleaned up a bit and Brenda caught a few zzzz's

and then we were off to wait for Spencer at the finish line. I was SOOO glad to be done and then we just had to wait around for everyone to be ready to drive us back to our car at the starting line.

Sadly it was a two hour drive to the car and then the six hour drive to get home. We left the finish line at about 6 and left for home and about 8:45. We stopped for pizza because we were starving and wanted some "real" food and then we just pushed it through the night. It was nice having 3 people in the car so two could keep each other awake and the third could sleep. We pulled into Provo at about 3:30 a.m. 8:30 church was definitely NOT going to happen so Brenda and I dragged ourselves out of our house for an 11:30 ward. We barely made it through sacrament meeting and then came home and crashed.
It was a fun weekend, but I don't know if I'm really cut out for road Ragnar. I think I'll stick to trail.