Hiking thoughts

I went hiking with some friends last night. At the top my one friend said something about foreordination and that we are foreordained to make dumb decisions (basically). Her sister and I disagreed with her and then we just let it be. It's been bugging me today. As I drove to work I thought about it and I think she's got her definitions crossed somewhere. Her argument was that God knows what we are going to choose. True. But the way she was making it sound was that we are destined to make poor choices and there is nothing we can do about it. We are foreordained to be who we are. I think it was the foreordained that bugged me. As I thought about that word this morning I thought about what ordain means and how we use it in the church. We ordain men to the priesthood. They are called and set apart and given those responsibilities. I figured that to foreordain would mean to set someone apart for something great, like we set them apart for the priesthood. Why would got set us apart to make crappy choices? It just didn't add up to me. So I looked up foreordination when I got to work this morning.
"In the premortal spirit world, God appointed certain spirits to fulfill specific missions during their mortal lives. This is called foreordination. Foreordination does not guarantee that individuals will receive certain callings or responsibilities. Such opportunities come in this life as a result of the righteous exercise of agency, just as foreordination came as a result of righteousness in the premortal existence."

"The doctrine of foreordination applies to all members of the Church, not just to the Savior and His prophets. Before the creation of the earth, faithful women were given certain responsibilities and faithful men were foreordained to certain priesthood duties. As people prove themselves worthy, they will be given opportunities to fulfill the assignments they then received."

lds.org

Just because we are foreordained to something, doesn't mean it's going to happen. We still have our agency. As we were discussing it, it just sounded too much like "I have no choice, I can't help it, God already knows what I'm going to do". Seems like a cop-out to me.

I'm going to continue to study this, but I'm feeling better about my initial thoughts on the discussion. Our choices to matter.

Looking for answers

To follow up on my post from yesterday about looking for trouble, as I said my prayers last night I prayed that whatever message my visiting teachers shared this morning would help me feel better. This month the visiting teaching message isn't assigned, since it's from the Conference Ensign so they could have chosen anything. They chose one of my favorite talks by President Uchtdorf. I actually listened to it yesterday morning as I was getting ready, but this morning it brought a new message to sooth my aching soul. As a follow up to the discussion we were having they also shared a bit from a talk Elder Bednar gave a few years ago. Both messages were an answer to my simple prayer last night. If I only remember to look for answers, I will find them. Or they will find me. :)

You can read or listen to President Uchtdorf's talk here and Elder Bednar's talk here

"Most of us know that when we do wrong things, we need help to overcome the effects of sin in our lives. The Savior has paid the price and made it possible for us to become clean through His redeeming power. Most of us clearly understand that the Atonement is for sinners. I am not so sure, however, that we know and understand that the Atonement is also for saints—for good men and women who are obedient, worthy, and conscientious and who are striving to become better and serve more faithfully. We may mistakenly believe we must make the journey from good to better and become a saint all by ourselves, through sheer grit, willpower, and discipline, and with our obviously limited capacities." Elder Bednar 

Looking for trouble

I think it's human nature to look for trouble. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself to try and feel better about this day and the choices I make sometimes. It is amazing to me how I can take a good day, a known situation and some crazy emotions and spin quite the tail and make myself miserable. I sometimes wonder if I don't subconsciously like being miserable. I attended a sealing this morning in the Salt Lake temple for my friend. It was beautiful and so happy. She's a few years older than I am and I've watched from the very beginning of their relationship and it was so great to be there to witness the beginning of their eternal journey together. Right after their sealing I walked over to the Tabernacle for my friend's Organ Recital. It was filled with fun music. I stayed after and watched him interact with people and was going to go and say hi, but then he turned and left. As I drove home I found myself and my crazy emotions throwing a huge pity party. A day filled with so much happiness in the wedding of my friend and the musical success of my friend, turned into all the things I don't have and will never have (I tell myself lots of lies at pity parties) and continued throughout the rest of the day; until right now, as I sit in my bed at 9 p.m. having accomplished close to nothing today.
Why do I do this to myself? This day had so much potential for good and I killed it. I let myself go into a downward spiral. Luckily tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it. Yet. :)

Breathe

Or maybe a bad week or two. Sometimes it's a struggle to just get up in the morning. To get dressed. To drive to work. To be nice to people. To fulfill your responsibilities. There are so many things you want to do, but only so much time. So many people you want to help, but only so much you can do. And sometimes you just want to cry for no reason at all. And that's okay. That is life. Sometimes you just can't do it all. You can't even do a little and that is also okay. Sometimes you have anxiety and you don't know where it's coming from and you can hardly bare to sit at your desk and you have no idea how to fix it and you just want to go home and crawl back into bed. But there are things to be done and you keep plugging away and hopefully tomorrow will be better. And you can be thankful that God woke you up for another day to see his miracles and feel his love. And you remember that life is good. And God is good. And everyone has days/weeks like this. It helps give you perspective and compassion for others. And for yourself.