7 years

Last Saturday marked the 7 year anniversary of when I came home from my mission to Spain. It kind of got lost in the day filled with cleaning house, making soup, getting a massage (long overdue), and going to Stake Conference. 7 years is a long time. Like birthdays, anniversaries of significant events in my life make me reflect on where I am and what I'm doing. It's a hard thing to balance being happy where you are and being hopeful and motivated for the future. I often find myself heavily on one side or the other of this very fine line of balance. I'm either completely complacent with where I am, thinking "why would I ever want to leave this?" OR I'm, in the words of Anne Shirley, "in the depths of despair", desperately wanting a life I don't currently have. My "ponderize" scripture for the week has actually proved very helpful to me as I struggle with finding this balance (leaning more toward the depths of despair) and work to keep optimism and hope in my life.

He has a plan. What I want right this very second may not be part of his plan for me right now. That doesn't mean I won't get it. As I was working in the temple last night, I was struck by a word that is repeated multiple times throughout an ordinance. "Preparatory" And it's the same for every patron. It doesn't matter where we are in life, we are all being prepared and we will receive God's promised blessings in his time. So after being home for 7 years, I am not anywhere close to where I thought or wanted to be. And that's okay. While I might be on plan HH, God is still on plan A. He only has one plan. Things are good and things will be good, even when they don't feel like it. God is good.

No friends

Today I saw someone post "All my friends are married, so therefore I have no friends". Some days that definitely rings true. But most days it doesn't. Grateful for all the friends I have, both married and not.

He hears you

Sometimes there are principles of the gospel you know work, you have a testimony of, but maybe not a strong personal experience with them. I have always had a hard time fasting. Mostly due to lack of planning on my part, resulting in not really having a purpose, so it's mostly just starving myself. This year one of my New Year's resolutions was to have more meaningful fasts by picking a different person every month and asking them what I could fast for them. I would say I've been about 95% successful (September got away from me). Last month visiting teaching, one of the sisters I visit shared some worries she's been having and asked me to fast for her this month. I told her I would. Immediately after visiting her I had a scripture and a phrase come to my mind. I knew Elder Bednar had said it, but I COULD NOT FIND THE TALK. I read A LOT of his talks and found a few things that were close, but not exactly what I was looking for. I eventually gave up and set it aside until this past fast Sunday. I fasted for my friend, hoping she would find answers and went about my Sunday as usual. My friend Aubrey had said she was going to a fireside Sunday night and I thought it looked interesting so I decided to go with her. I didn't have any real expectations for the fireside, but as the main speaker began to talk I knew. I knew this would give me some answers to the questions my friend had and probably to a few of my own. When he played this video, I started to cry.

This was the exact thing I had been looking for weeks ago by Elder Bednar. And there it was, projected on a big screen just for me. An answer to my prayer and fasting to help my friend. A testimony to me, that fasting works and God hears our prayers. He knows us and he will answer our sincere pleas. Moroni 7:13 But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.