The influence of a parent

As a new parent and a relatively new step-parent I have thought a lot about the influence of parents. Parents have a lot of responsibility when it comes to children. We have to teach them how to talk and walk. How to eat. How to use the bathroom. How to do chores. How to share. How to be a friend. And most importantly, right from wrong, based in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I realize many don't have that end part about Jesus Christ. I'm not saying you can't teach right from wrong and be a good person without it, but how much better when you can teach them WHY we are kind and WHY we choose the right.
I think about the consequences if we don't teach them. The example we set says so much more than just the words we say. I would hope that as I teach my son to be respectful to others, he will see me being respectful. I hope he learns love and respect for his dad, from the love and respect I give his dad.
As a step-mom I feel torn. I have had many conversations with my friend Jessica, who is in a similar situation. I've read blogs and listened to seminars. One seminar had a lot to say about moms, dads, and step-dads, but not a single thing about step-moms. That was very disheartening. I recognize why it is that way, but it doesn't take away much of the sting. I think the influence of a mother is SO important. Maybe even more so when there is divorce. The way she encourages relationships with a child's dad and other stepparent is invaluable. I think about how different things would be in our home if husband's ex-wife could empathize and see things from a different perspective. I see how she hurts my husband and sometimes it hits me personally. I'm sure she's oblivious to much of it, and what she isn't oblivious to, she doesn't care about.
My step-son hardly interacts with me. I honestly am not offended by this. I feel bad for him. From where I sit, what I see is that he is afraid of any kind of relationship with me because of what he thinks it will do to his mom. His sister doesn't have the same inhibitions, but I really think, whether consciously or subconsciously, that he thinks a relationship with me will hurt his mom. I feel bad for children of divorce. Feeling torn. Especially when their parents don't have a good relationship and live very different lives, with different priorities. It's hard to keep trying, when you feel like it's getting you nowhere. When the other side it proclaiming being a saint when it's really just veiled motions to ease a conscience.
I realize I am biased in my assessment. I don't actually know what is going on on the other side. But I do have actual written words to support my thoughts. It's very disheartening. I fear for what will happen to these children without the positive influences that are so important. I know people turn out just fine, but I think there is an added component when the influence was there, but now that influence is pushed away. It's one thing to never had it, but another to see someone you look up to a trust, push it away.
I guess what I take away from this is just how important it is for me to be an example to little Lincoln. To teach him every day of Jesus Christ. To help him find his own testimony and continue to build it up as he grows. To teach him that we love his siblings no matter what, but that we need to make better choices. Maybe this is a blog post better suited for my journal, but I just felt that I needed to get it all out. Maybe someone else can relate and know that they aren't alone. Maybe you've found some insight that could help me. By all means, send it on over.