I don't feel like it

I have found that my preconceived notions about how things will be are never quite accurate. I chalk it up to experience. You can't really understand something until you've actually been there. People tell you things are hard and you think, yeah that would be hard. Then you actually do the thing and you're like "oh! that's what they meant by hard". I've had those experiences a few times in my life. The newest experience is pregnancy. There was the "hard" realization, but I just thought I would feel different. Both physically and emotionally. Currently I'm 5 months pregnant and I don't feel like it. I feel like I did before the morning sickness only a little more tired. I thought I would feel different. Morning sickness was the pits, but at least it was what I was expecting. Feel like crap, throw up, want to die. Check, check, check. But now that's gone and all I have are clothes that don't fit and an "excuse" to eat more ice cream. We had our gender scan ultrasound yesterday. We had them put it in an envelope and we are going to do a party on Sunday for my birthday!! Prior to the scan I had my regular appointment with the doctor. Actually the nurse, since the doctor was out delivering a baby. I told her I wasn't really feeling the baby. Not the way people were describing it to me "flutterings" and whatever. I've had a few times I thought "Maybe that was the baby" but dismissed it because it didn't fit the description. The nurse told me to ask the ultrasound tech if the placenta was in the front or the back. If it's in the front it makes it harder to feel baby moving. Guess what? Mine's in the front. :( Emotionally I feel like I should be more excited or more nervous or something, but I'm just like, whatevs. I feel okay so everything must be okay. Shouldn't I be freaking out and reading every baby book and baby blog on the planet? Who has time and energy for that? I say. Maybe when we find out the gender on Sunday and actually start shopping things will change. I don't really know the reason for this post. Just a place to put down my thoughts I guess.