Running in the dark

I went on a walk last night with my friend Lisa and she asked what was new in my life. That's always an interesting question because mostly life is just always the same, with maybe one or two turns. This time I reported on Ragnar Colorado.
She asked me about the legs I ran and which was my favorite. The night run was hands down my favorite. I told her I love to run at night and would run at night all the time if I could. She asked me why and these are the reasons I came up with.
1. It's a lot cooler. Temperature wise and in awesomeness.
2. It's peaceful. Not as much traffic and people out and about.
3. You can't see how far you still have to go.
Bonus: If the moon is out, it's just that much better.

Number three is probably one of my favorites. When I run I have a mental block of "Holy crap I still have so far to go, I can't even see the finish, look at that giant hill in front of me, I think I better walk now".
When I run at night, it's dark. I'm not suppose to be able to see how far I still have to go. I can't see the finish; BECAUSE IT'S DARK! I can't see the full size of that hill in front of me. I just keep telling myself one more step and it's easier for me to just keep going.

Lisa commented that there had to be a metaphor for life in there somewhere and last night when I was talking to my cousin Jamee about the trials and difficulties of life we came up with a few ideas. Here's one of them. So many times we wish we could just see the big picture. If we only knew what was coming it would be easier to handle. NOT TRUE. If we could see the whole picture, we'd see that giant mountain we're going to have to climb and we'd be terrified and cry and probably sit down and refuse to move. Sometimes being in the dark is the biggest favor the Lord can do for us. Either way we have to climb the mountain, but maybe if we can't see the end, it will make it easier to just keep going one day at a time, with just a little bit of the road visible in front of us.

Maybe some people would rather see the whole mountain before they start running and maybe sometimes we should try and see the whole picture, but as for me, I prefer running in the dark.

Home Teachers

Today was one of those days. You think everything is fine and then BAM! It hits you (don't ask me what "it" is, I'm still unsure). But when it hits you, say goodbye to any make-up you put on this morning and any hopes of containing the waterworks that won't stop coming. It's awful. You're not really sure what's wrong, nothing really happened, but no matter how hard you try, you are not going to win this one.
There I am, minding my own business sitting in Sunday School, pondering on life and the testimonies I had just heard in Sacrament meeting when the tears start. I tried to stop it, but I was caught! Once someone catches you and asks if you're okay, there's not much of a chance to stop them.
I managed to get them somewhat under control, but Relief Society brought on an entirely new flood. Lucky for me my friend Catie had a package of tissues with her or it would have been even uglier than it was. I somehow made it through, only to completely break down when a girl (Sarah) in my ward came and gave me a hug. That was followed by more hugs and then a very quick exit. Once in my car I headed home to put some of that makeup I lost back on.
I made it through visiting teaching without any problems, surprisingly. Then I went to deliver Valentines to the girl in my district for compassionate service. Made it through that okay, UNTIL I got to Sarah's house. MELT DOWN. By this time I knew I needed to ask for a blessing, but for some reason it's SO difficult to ask for one. I told Sarah and told her to hold me accountable, I had it all worked out, I'd ask at the ward Break the Fast. After crying it out at Sarah's we headed to Break the Fast. The very first thing I did was walk up to Kory and ask for a blessing after Break the Fast. When he said okay, I said thanks and quickly walked away, trying desperately to hold my composure. The food was good and I even managed to socialize a bit, not that's it's too difficult since everyone in my ward is so great.
After everything was cleaned up I sat on the stage and waited for Kory and Josh to finish with their socializing and then we headed for a classroom. Sadly my composure only made it that far. I could barely get out what the problem was and give them my full name. Kory gave me a beautiful blessing and I felt so much better. Luckily there was a box of tissues in the classroom because I definitely needed them.
Afterward they each gave me a hug and poor Josh had to deal with me sobbing into his shirt as I lost it yet again.
I can't even express how grateful I am that they were both willing and able to give me a blessing on the spot. I've had home teachers before, but I just don't know that I had that much trust in them to ask them for something like this.
Thank you Kory and Josh for being there for me and for being worthy Priesthood holders. You're the best.
Love, Cathy
(p.s. don't worry about me people, everything is under control and contrary to what this looks like, I'm really okay. Sometimes I'm just emotional. Today was one of those times.)

Can't be good

The other day at my birthday party, my friend David asked me if I was baby hungry. This was not completely out of the blue since he was holding my friend Katie's baby and my age is not a secret. I responded that I was not. I had babysat Katie's other two children enough to not have that problem. (At least not to a degree where I'll admit it). I guess I find I should go in order. You should get married before you have a baby. I know I've written about this before, but let's be honest, I'm guessing most unmarried LDS (and others) women around my age think about marriage more than we'd like to admit. There are a multitude of reasons. I'm sick of dating, being lonely and I want to start a family before I get to an age where I'll be mistaken for the kids grandparent instead of the parent. Those are my top reasons. Then you give me facebook where everyone posts pictures of their beautiful families, their engagement pictures, and all around "perfect lives". I am not naive enough to believe they have perfect lives, I have after all babysat Katie's kids, read your blogs, and had people tell my mom, they thought my family looked perfect (hello? really?) Add to facebook,

It doesn't really help my situation very much. Basically, I should completely skip out on social media, get married, or just get over it. I dont' really see any of those things happening any time soon. Oh dear. I suppose I'll just keep plugging along, working on bettering myself, and living the gospel. God knows what he's doing.
I'm not really feeling sorry for myself (not too much anyway) this has just been on my mind lately.
Dear Doughnut,
I'm trying to be patient, but I'm failing. Please hurry.
Love, Cathy