The cracked pot

Going along with my previous post on comparing ourselves with others, I've been reading a lot for my education classes. Right now I'm in the middle of different ways to help English Language Learners. It made me think back to my time in the Spain MTC when I had two French speaking companions. One spoke English fairly well, but the other hardly knew 5 words. Sister Fricard was asked to speak in church and she wanted to do it in English even though the MTC president told her that she could give her talk in French. Sister Hunter and Sister Fricard took this story of the cracked pot and translated it from French to English and then I read over it to make sure it flowed, then I practiced with Sister Fricard. I was on the front row listening to her, praying for her and just loving her as she read this story. She did so great! I can still hear her saying "crack-ed" pot. That -ed sound was really hard for her. It's one of my favorite memories from the MTC and the from the mission overall. That companionship was a time we worked together despite our language barriers, overcame obstacles and cheered for each other to succeed. I love this story for what it actually says and for what it represents to me.   

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. 

‘I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.'

The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?'

'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.'

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.

Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.'

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

That is exactly what God does with each of us. He knows our flaws and our weaknesses. He sees our struggles, our heartaches, our fears. And he works with them. He plants flowers and allows us to water them with our tears. He knows our hearts. The people we long to be. He see our efforts and He doesn't compare us to the "perfect" pot. He takes us as we are and makes the very best out of it. Don't be so hard on yourself little cracked pot, He is working a wonder within you. 

Comparison is the thief of joy

I read a friend's blog post last night. It was well written, full of insight and simply put, beautiful. I went to bed shortly after reading it and as I lay there in the dark I found myself comparing myself to this friend who wrote this blog. And I was coming up short. Very short. I don't write as well as she does, I am not as spiritual as she is, I don't accomplish as much in one day as she does, I'm not as close to my family as she is, and on and on.
And then I caught myself. And I scolded myself. It's not fair to compare myself to anyone else. I am not her. I am not supposed to be her. I am supposed to be me. I haven't lived her experiences. I don't see her daily struggles and shortcomings.
It's good to look up to people, see their good qualities and aspire to be better. But it's a fine line to walk. When your admiration for another turns to tearing yourself down, it is no longer beneficial.
I think that was one reason it was time for me to move on from the singles ward. It was just so chuck full of super amazing women. My peers, in similar life stages, and all I could see was how much more awesome than me they were. They are spiritual(huge right there, they always had the deepest and most inspiring thoughts and insights into the gospel) and they are kind and crafty and smart and well spoken and accomplished and on and on. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. And that right there should have told me something, we all have something to offer, but it was hard not to feel that I didn't quite measure up.
Now I face different struggles, feeling invisible and not needed in my new ward, but I'm working on that. And I don't find myself comparing myself. I think mostly for two reasons. 1. I don't know anyone so I can't really compare anything. 2. They are quite obviously in a completely different stage of life from me.
So as a reminder to myself. You are enough. Can you do better? Yes. But just focus on doing better than you did yesterday and not doing better than Sally did yesterday. The only fair comparison is between the person you were and the person you are and the person you can become. 

The hurts of life

Sometimes life just hurts. Last week I had one of those days. A close friend contacted me telling me of a hard thing she was facing in life and asking for advice. My heart broke for her. I didn't really feel like I had any great advice, but this was my response to her. I feel like I will probably be able to benefit from it somewhere down the road so I'm going to record it here. 

I often find I don't understand God's plan for me. My tiny vision of what's happening in my life leads me to believe that God is obviously not paying attention to me. If he were, he would see that I want good things, I'm living a good life and I deserve good things to happen to me. In reality he is far more aware of me than I know. My faith in his plan for me is usually challenged by my lack of faith in his timing. What I know doesn't always match how I feel and I often feel like there must be something I am doing wrong and therefore I am being punished. The lack of desired blessings is obviously God's way of chastising and punishing me. But that is false. That would  mean that people who are not really very great people and who aren't doing what they should and are getting the things that they want (sometimes things that I want) are being rewarded. But that isn't how God works. My view of what is just and fair don't always line up with the reality of God's justice, fairness and mercy. The agency of others is always the hardest thing to factor in.

I don't feel like I have any great advice for you, but I have found that when I am feeling like a little girl, lost in the recesses of the universe, forgotten and forsaken by God, it helps to count my blessings (super cheesy I know, but it works!) It helps to see all of the ways he has answered my prayers. The people he has blessed me with in my life. The tender mercies he extends to me every day. Remembering that he does see me.

I don't know God's plan for me or for you. But one thing I have learned is that God is always right. I have seen it over and over and over again. No matter how bad things seem, how much better I think my plan is, God is always right. And he is always generous and kind. It is not his goal to see how many tears he can make us cry, although there will definitely be many of those. He wants us to be happy and he knows the very best way to give us the most happiness possible. I have a letter somewhere my dad sent me when I was on my mission. I wish I had it right now, but I don't so I'll have to paraphrase. 'Life rarely works out in textbook fashion. Satan is far too smart for that.' There was way more to it than that, but I really just can't remember it. But that was the main point. Life rarely looks the way we think it will or should, but that doesn't mean it can't be or won't be amazing.

I found some quotes and thoughts from my blog that may be applicable to the situation. Know that I am praying for you friend. You are one of the very best people I know. Even if you don't understand it, God does have a plan for you and I know it's a great one. Remember the Atonement isn't just for our sins, but for all of our pains. Christ knows exactly how you are feeling. He can take your pain, raise you up and make you whole. Rely on him.

Easter 2016

This Easter was a beautiful one. The weather couldn't have been better. My visiting teachers came to visit before church and I was so delighted to have visiting teachers again! As I walked to church (one of my favorite things about switching to the conventional ward) I just took in all the springtime beauty around me. I few of the trees had blossoms and the flowers in people's yards were so cheery. Church itself was everything I would have expected it to be, but somehow it was better than normal. I was just so happy to be there. Even sitting by myself. I was so grateful to listen to the sacrament prayers and to think about Jesus Christ and his life and sacrifice. About the covenants I have made and the authority that makes those covenants valid on earth and in heaven. Listening to the talks and thinking about the places Christ walked and people he interacted with made this Easter a little more personal for me.
I didn't even mind staying for the rest of church all by myself, which is usually an internal battle for me. And I didn't end up being by myself anyway.
Easter has given me so much. It essentially has given me my life. It has given me my eternal family. It has given me the opportunity to live each day new and become better than I was yesterday. It has given me the knowledge that there is always someone who understands me perfectly. It was given me power over the fear of death. Comfort in knowing that through our darkest Fridays, Sunday will come.

He is risen. Praise be his name forever.

Dating

Dating has to be one of the most discouraging things in life. If you no longer find yourself in this situation in life, count your blessings. I know marriage is hard, but dating really bites. I've yet to meet a divorced person who says "man I'm glad to be back in the dating scene again".

Whining over.

Friendly faces

Yesterday I decided to go to the YSA break the fast instead of the MSA break the fast. It was a rough day sitting in the family ward by myself so I opted to go to a place where I was guaranteed to be with people that I knew. What a great decision it was! I was reminded that I have friends! And I have people who love me. Granted there are still those people who don't remember meeting me (even after 6 times) but there are those who were so happy to see me, gave me a hug, asked how things were going and were genuinely interested in my life. It was a good reminder that, while change is good, there is something to be said for the safe and unchanging.
I know I made the right decision going to the family ward, but it doesn't make the transition any easier. Going to the YSA activity helped me remember that I am always surrounded by friends, I just have to reach out a little bit.

Julia and Sterling

The last two months have flown by. 4 trips to Idaho (a visit, a quilting trip, bridal shower and a wedding), 1 weekend of my parents visiting me, 83 hours of quilting, 6 seasons of Road to Avonlea, 1 sneaky trip out the window,  at least a dozen movies, too much sugar, not enough sleep, freezing weather, nice weather, 50 miles run, starting school, hours of homework, hours of reading, a full time job, a new ward, a new calling, a new house, new nephew, new brother in law, it's really been jam packed.

A weekend that had the potential to be very difficult for me, really wasn't so bad. It was actually fairly fun. I got into Idaho Thursday night to go to my sisters bachelorette party. We went to dinner, did a scavenger hunt and opened presents.

Something blue

It was simple and fun. I had to sleep on the floor since all beds and couches were taken(or so I thought), which wasn't fun.
I made a quick trip to the temple on Friday morning since I usually go on Thursdays and got to stop by and see Denae and her new little baby real quick. In the hour I was there I managed to make her 3 year old cry but apparently I didn't do enough damage that he didn't want me to come in a see all his puzzles and play a game with him.

Friday afternoon was spent at the church setting up for the reception. It took the better part of 7 hours with everyone pulling their weight. David was on the ladder for a couple hours in the center directing things outward, me and Uncle Benny going around the edges, the Kevin joining in on the action. Mom was directing things in all directions, Julie came later and was the be all end all and what she said went. Her and I spent some time raiding classrooms for tables. Dad, Matthew, Daniel and Dustyn did whatever they were told. Rebecca and Eddie were also happy to do whatever was asked. By the end of the night we were all tired and sore and very very cranky.
With the average 1:00 a.m. bedtime, Saturday morning came too early for everyone. The house was a bustle of people getting ready.

I made it to the temple with Grandma right on time. A little drama with Grandma's temple recommend was quickly resolved and we were all waiting to go into the sealing room. It was nice to see so many people I knew there to support Julia and Sterling.I had to look away when Julia and Sterling came in the room. And when the sealer started talking I really had a hard time. When Julie started crying I really had to fight back the tears, but overall I think I came out alright. I only went through a few tissues and didn't even have to touch up my makeup.
The pictures were probably one of the most miserable wedding pictures experiences I've ever had. Rexburg in February is not the ideal time to be outside taking pictures. It was 34 degrees, overcast and WINDY. It was SO stinkin' cold.

After pictures we headed to the church for the luncheon. Julie's MTC companion Rebecca let me sit with them and really I think she saved my sanity throughout everything. Her positive attitude toward me and the wedding was the extra boost I needed to not lose it. :)

We had a little break between the luncheon and the reception. I tried to take a nap, but it was more of a break from wearing nylons than anything else. At 5 we headed back to the church to finish things up. It was beautiful and there were lots of people. Pictures at the reception didn't go quite as planned, but I think overall it was a success.

The photo booth was loads of fun.

 I don't know that I was really much help at the actual reception. I hung out with Danizza, then Katie and her girls and then Emmily. It was fun to see my own friends who I hadn't seen in a long time.

 We decorated their car at the last minute and then sent them on their way. We had a decent clean up crew, with Sterling's mom, dad and brother helping out. The take down and clean up only took about 3 hours and again we were all tired, sore and cranky by the end. The only person who made it to church the next day was dad. I might have made it if Jon and Louisa hadn't stopped by in the morning, but that's debatable. I was pretty tired and never got dressed. I drove back to Utah in my pajamas. :) Overall it was a lovely weekend and I think both Julia and Sterling were happy with how things turned out.